My Soul-Being

Hello,

It’s been 10 days since my e-decluttering and to be honest, there were really times when I wanted to get back on Instagram to check out images. I am very visual – meaning I love looking at scenic images that people take when traveling in addition to showcasing my interest in photography and so, how funny it may seem.. Instagram was the hardest to let go. Then I realized, experiencing the world with my own eyes feels more real and I needed more of that. My soul seeks for it.

My life is not the most perfect as some people may think as I’m always joyous and smiling. I have a wonderful family, that’s for sure. My internal compass has not been the best and I have not been kindest to my heart and soul. I am highly sensitive to energies and did not realize that until a friend of mine pointed it out. I see people not as what they look or the wall they build, I seep through all that and see their souls, which can be hard when the world is getting darker and darker.

I had the opportunity to watch the PRIDE parade today since it’s really close to my place and I almost cried because if people can come together in that event, how can people not meet halfway on all days. Now, I’m not saying that people should never have conflicts because that is just impossible. What we need is more respect and kindness among one another.

I had a person ask me, “Why are you so nice?” Actually looking back, it was probably more than just one person. Despite the repetitive questions, I still keep being taken aback because for me, it’s innate. Instead of saying, “Oh, how come? Nah.” I have learned to respond by asking them in return, “Well, why not?” Let’s all work together to let humankind.. be kind and to get the impression that we are naturally good people no matter our history or experiences in life. It is definitely easier said than done but if you are not hurting anyone (and please, that includes yourself) – what will you lose in being kind. It is a hard life to live with kindness but the heart and soul will be happy.

Looking outside, I have practiced the art but I forgot to have self-compassion so now, I’ll promise to take care of my soul too.

Same goes for you, ok?

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6 months of e-decluttering

Starting today, I will be on a personal project to remove my presence in all personal social media platforms – except for this as it is mainly for documenting my journey in understanding how it feels like to be detached from seeing the world in someone else’s lenses thus allowing me to be more mindful of my own environment and blessings I already have. The voices outside my head are getting louder and louder that I knew I had to do something to hear myself much clearly.

Every morning the first thing I do is shut off my alarm and then look at Instagram, mostly because I love images that either involve travelling or lifestyle. Irony is I knew that habit was not something I wanted to be included in my long-term lifestyle. It just does not bring the best out of me. Facebook is the same when I’m commuting or having lunch by myself. I used to love to people-watch and I still do, I just forget because I’m slowly embarking on the bandwagon or at least the norm of using my phone to “relax”.

It’s not healthy.. for me. I am learning something and definitely staying updated with current events in addition to the lives of my friends. When contemplating about it though, I have enough in front of me, in the present. I forget to look at what I have and simply take advantage of what’s of reach – my family, my books, and my city.

I’ll be doing regular reflections to see the progression of my perspectives. Hop on this chapter with me? 🙂

All the little things

It’s only been a few days that I’ve settled in the new place – now I’m back with family cause my dad wants us all to go for a road trip. I wonder where.. (yet to be decided)

Anyway, I just noticed the smaller things that matter when living by myself and it’s quite funny when I think about it because well, they’re just the details that I never noticed before. I guess it is mostly due to the fact that my mom got them all figured out for us so I did not have to solve the puzzle. Let me share you them little things:

  1. Toilet paper runs out QUICK.
  2. A sponge is a must have in the kitchen – this must be replaced every month, in my opinion! like seriously.
  3. Paper towels by the counter please.
  4. A rag to make sure the tables are dry & clean (applicable to both the washroom and kitchen counter)
  5. A MEAL PLAN IS A HUGE DEAL – unless you have no problems with $$$
  6. Bulk barn will be my next best friend, to add some taste to my future meal plan.
  7. Fridge space can be very limited so yeah, coordinate with your unit-mates.
  8. Moisture is my worst enemy cause well, they indicate slimy surfaces. (it’s not fun so turn on those vents & spray/scrub them away)

I heard most of these from my mom before but never really understood how important they were until recently – all thanks to moving out! I like the learning experience I get to have and well, it also allows me to appreciate my mom’s efforts to keep our space super squeaky clean.

I gave myself 10 days to indulge in what I got – time, food hubs, and space. It is also important to be mindful of every decision I make because there are consequences for each as well, whether that be unconsciously splurging on food or not having enough rest due to wanting to make the most of the city life. Starting March 1st, I will have had a somewhat-concrete plan on what the next few months would look like – better & healthier!

3 things I will focus on: Meal Plan, Fitness Routine, and Education Tools.

Talk soon! 🙂

Seasonal Hues

Life evolves and transforms like the seasons – happiness, excitement, disappointment, contentment. It changes day by day, it could be by the hour or by the minute and possibly in a second, your life can change its course. In order to thrive in these sudden transformations, you must be flexible but grounded. Your values guide your decisions and therefore, form your identity. My decisions are a dictation of who I am and what my future might entail so I always remember to live life with intent and meaning.

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Recently, I moved out from family. It felt right for me because I thought that the transition to explore life as a I reach my quarter-life was almost natural. The need to get out and have my own space of consciousness was there and I could not ignore it. That was my soul reaching out to my very existence – I must recognize that. Nonetheless, I took my time to find the right people and the right place and now that it has come, I feel quite strange and different (in the most surreal yet humbling way).

I thought it was fair to document this so I could look back and reminisce the very essence of following what I thought was right. This opportunity to choose to be in my own space – without anyone’s dictation. I am grateful for my parents’ trust and for the Greater Being’s guidance on my journey to get here.

My parents were certainly devastated inside that I have left their abode as it is quite a taboo in my culture to be moving out before marriage. I have reassured them (and myself) that my departure was not about their lack of love or my escape from their clutches and it was more of my desire to understand myself better so I could love my whole identity and build my very own personal pillars. I’m doing this for them. (and for myself)

It’s a win-win situation, in my opinion.

In order for me to continue spreading love, I must learn to love myself and I can say in whole honesty that I do not. It is disappointing but I bully myself more than anyone else could bully anyone and if you know me, I am quite a critic. My love for my family covers every inch of my soul. I decided to challenge my life choices because I know that at the of the day, I will get to bring home more love and respect for my parents (respect because I will now know how it feels to really take care of my own space now that they are not there to easily fix my errors) and more wisdom to share to my siblings (wisdom on how to further grow and mature conscientiously).

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Moving out isn’t for everyone and timing is very important. Understand yours and know that you must move at your own pace. Do not do something because everyone else is doing it – you will regret it. You are your own person so build your own story!

Seasons pass and you must fully immerse yourself in the whole experience because next thing you’ll know – it has already passed. Life is beautiful and what better way to live it than with all your heart, soul, and mind. Every hue is different but look at it closely and see the beauty it unfolds. Never lose that. Colour away. 🙂

3rd law of motion

It already surprises how one can change their minds so quickly but what blows my mind is how one’s perspective towards himself/herself, people around him/her, and the world can change in a heartbeat because of a sudden realization.

Life is easier done than said. How? The more experiences I accumulate, the deeper understanding and maturity I will possess. Failure is given; success is a milestone to celebrated but it is always not to get attached to it. {fame & power are tools to perform greater deeds and must never be the destination}

“No man is an island”

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.. it’s true but its much simpler than what I thought. There were a lot of instances that this came to me but it was only a few days ago that it occurred to me: my action is a chain reaction of what can happen next to someone else’s life. We are given this freedom to choose but ensure that you have the purest intentions in doing what you’ve chosen in addition to committing to it 100% – unless it becomes unhealthy to you and the people around you.

I reflected to my own life and realized that most of the blessings and mishaps that happened to me was a domino effect – no blame games here. The reality is that it would be a hike. The idea of “the one” and the “normal” thing to do are illusions created, you and I can build our own experiences with the daily decisions that we make. You and I are true shapers of the world and the reason events happen are due to our actions – in accumulation. 

pure intentions + ultimate commitment = ? destination
personal stories = experiences with events and people

I believe in the greater Being and my knowledge relies on It providing every human being to decide while being given the notion of the consciousness. As I have silenced the negativity and noise around me, the more I heard my own voice – listen carefully. However, also open some light into other people’s perspectives, it can be a lifetime lesson. Hear them out but know how to question. Stay curious. 🙂

C’est la vie, mes ami/es!

Chasing Pavements

I will be done University in less than 2 weeks. I finished an exam just this morning and have two more to write. I know that I should probably be more worried about studying for those than writing this post but I have been caught up with life and I just gotta shake it off, you know? School has been hectic, as usual. It’s a fixed aspect of my life but I gotta admit.. there’s so much variability happening around me that maybe, I have to find something constant to optimize my life.. for now. Forgive my terms, I just finished a statistics exam! tee hee

Anyway, this term has been the most overwhelming for me yet. I don’t know why but one thing’s for sure: I have to pause. (at least for 3 hours before I study again for my tomorrow’s exam)

I have been chasing pavements, yes. I wanted to do this and that, challenge myself and take on several responsibilities because I did not want to “waste” time. People think I stress too much but I like getting things done. I wanted to be productive for the sake of wanting to feel “fulfilled”. I kept those quotation marks because I know that everyone has his or her own particular definition for them. What has life been? fast.

Trust me.

I value my emotions and keep my feeling on check every now and then. Recently though, I am guilty of just flying by life because I want to graduate and well, reap the harvest of my hard work even though I know that it’s not immediate.  I know it takes time and looking back, I have no regrets.. yet. Everything has been normal until life hits you with a “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?”

Pavement after pavement, these houses look so pretty that working my way all day everyday makes it seem worth it. Here are some reasons why you should pause: Let’s rephrase that, here are some reasons why I should pause:

Reason # 1: I am just one person

I want these:

  • calligraphy
  • read lots of books
  • play my keyboards
  • try boxing
  • swimming routine
  • study for an MBA
  • get a TEFL certificate
  • open a business
  • build a foundation
  • learn the guitar
  • buy a trumpet/clarinet
  • attend jazz concerts
  • photoblog
  • etc…

but you see, I’m just ONE person. I have to understand the essence of time and appreciate the process. If it feels right then I’ll do it. I must learn to say no to the things that don’t define me. I guess, I am still figuring my way in this thing called LIFE.

What am I running from? boredom and regret.
What am I running towards? success and accomplishment.

That was my mentality before but now, I’ve realized that they can go side by side and overlap if I go against the flow and timing of what feels right right now. What I mean by that is for example, I want buy a guitar because I don’t want to regret instead of acknowledging that I am already busy with school plus I haven’t really played my keyboards at home for the longest time.. then if I actually buy it, I will have to juggle all of what I have and not be really successful. You know that feeling that bothers you when you haven’t really done the things that you told yourself you would do?

Yes, that guilt. In my opinion, it happens when we do things for the wrong reasons. I have learned to check in with myself and my intentions.

Good: Love and Passion
Bad: Attention and Pride

Limitations are sometimes good because there is only enough space that my heart can feel for, that my mind can wander on, and that my time can really accommodate. Don’t get me wrong, I have 0 regrets because I have done almost everything that I wanted to do (+ there’s so much more) but it is accepting the fact that I can’t do everything single thing. Time must be spent gracefully.

Reason # 2: I know what I want 

Authenticity is what I am aiming for in my daily encounters. It is hard, especially when I internalize on the possible judgments and expectations that people have on me but guess what? those should not matter. Listen carefully to what your heart yearns for, whether it be serenity or excitement or depth or creativity. Be honest to yourself and as long as you’re not doing anything wrong, why be shy? I should tell that to myself more often. ❤ Enough said.

Reason # 3: I just lost a good friend

I cannot fathom the words to really describe how it feels to lose someone so close to me. She was like a sister to me.. someone who understood my strengths, weaknesses and tendencies (vice versa) that our lives can almost intertwine. Our conversations always run deep about the intricate details of our teenage years, the countless answers to our present struggles, and our visions of the future. I was in a rat race until this caught my attention and I knew that I just had to stop or at least to slow down. If I don’t, I am sure that it will hit me all at once by the time my exams are finished. It won’t be nice and I’m sure that my friend would not want to see me sad. I will tell you more about it later, my fellow word-pressers. I can probably express myself better in writing that in speech so hear me out. 🙂

 

It has been a great 2-hour break writing this. I know that life still goes on.. and on.. and on no matter what so I have to chase another pavement but this time, I will respect my pace and allow some rest to just be still. I deserve it. We all do.

Off I go! Wish me luck. And may your lives be ever beautiful where beautiful does not mean perfect straight lines but loops and loops of squiggly shapes and sizes. Your choice. What looks more beautiful? 🙂

Tell me it’s real (Number 3)

How is everybody doing? I am almost finished my fall term in University! I can’t wait to get it over with. It has been crazy hectic in school and the requirements were heavier than I thought. I’m 75% in and there’s just a few more tweaks and refinements to make sure that our group presentation as well as papers that must be written will be polished! My student life aside, I am so excited to log in here and share my thoughts to you, lovely readers. This one can hurt but I have came to realize that it is necessary to thrive as an individual.

3. The road to your own happiness can be lonely

The path takes so much internalization and understanding of your own values: what matters the most and the things that distract you from what is yours. If you see Steve Jobs, he had to assert himself even though it meant letting his loved ones go. The conviction with what he felt was right and what was stopping him from getting where he is was very strong that it became unhealthy until he came to a point to take care of what he left behind. Not everyone will understand why you do what you do and as long as you know that you are doing the right thing, then what is stopping you?

It is easier said than done, I know. There are other factors to consider like family obligations and financial situation. When it comes to considering your loved ones:

“Always do what you want, and say what you feel,

because those who mind don’t matter,

and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss 

Sadly to say, there is nobody best to trust than yourself. You should know yourself better than anyone else. What I have always done before was to gather everyone’s opinion and base my decision from what they said. At the end of the day, it was not really me who technically choose my destiny because after being clouded by all their opinions, I created this image in my mind that was not even there in the very first place. The image can be bad, which will later cause my regrets for not pushing forward because it actually led to good results for some people; the image can be good, which later set my expectations too high to reach and therefore, led to disappointment. It’s all an illusion.

I am not saying that you will close your doors from the public rather I am emphasizing how important it is to listen to your own voice before anyone else’s. You must have a solid foundation of your values to not be swayed by temporary satisfaction or instant gratification like money, pleasure, leisure, or fame. You can adapt but don’t adopt because you’ll be lost. However, if the industry requires you to be physically fit (for example) then that will be a good habit to adopt since it will not only affect your overall performance in the job but also feel good as an individual. Some themes in social media can be seen as manipulating but a few, I consider, can be really important.

Anyway, I hope that we will all be brave enough to listen to our hearts while knowing our ground, values, and limitations to not expect too much and to live with hope for the possibilities of the future. There are people who genuinely care for you, let them think of you and give you support. Pushing people away is never an option. Let them know of your dreams and why you have to do what you’re doing. But really, one of the best advice I’ve heard was from my professor: be patient because there is no need to rush.

Take your time, friends! 🙂