6 months of e-decluttering

Starting today, I will be on a personal project to remove my presence in all personal social media platforms – except for this as it is mainly for documenting my journey in understanding how it feels like to be detached from seeing the world in someone else’s lenses thus allowing me to be more mindful of my own environment and blessings I already have. The voices outside my head are getting louder and louder that I knew I had to do something to hear myself much clearly.

Every morning the first thing I do is shut off my alarm and then look at Instagram, mostly because I love images that either involve travelling or lifestyle. Irony is I knew that habit was not something I wanted to be included in my long-term lifestyle. It just does not bring the best out of me. Facebook is the same when I’m commuting or having lunch by myself. I used to love to people-watch and I still do, I just forget because I’m slowly embarking on the bandwagon or at least the norm of using my phone to “relax”.

It’s not healthy.. for me. I am learning something and definitely staying updated with current events in addition to the lives of my friends. When contemplating about it though, I have enough in front of me, in the present. I forget to look at what I have and simply take advantage of what’s of reach – my family, my books, and my city.

I’ll be doing regular reflections to see the progression of my perspectives. Hop on this chapter with me? 🙂

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What If

What if we stopped being so tied up about what other people think of us and just do what we want to do?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to shine and not feel horrible about it?

There are times when I imagine a world where everybody does what they want while caring for one another as well but then, I figured that it is all just a fantasy. I have witnessed social media portray several initiatives done by individuals who want to change the world and in all honesty, I am always amazed and at awe of their courage. I was once that idealist. I still am but I am slowly seeing the bigger picture.

You cannot please everybody. There is not one thing that is universal anymore, in my opinion. Although words like “love” and “peace” may be seen across cultures but the way these are being expressed are seen in several degrees and angles. For the western culture, it may be that we learn to love ourselves for who we are and be at peace with what we most desire whether it be ambition, health, wealth, or career. For the eastern culture, it will most likely be love where we will put others before ourselves and peace amongst family members, most especially that of the parents’, are most significant. I am only speaking when it comes to my experience.

What about the environment? Where does the corporate world fit in? How about competition? How can we get the best products with the fastest processing time for the convenience of our customers while abiding by every environmental law? Who do you serve first: yourself or others? Do we follow the instructions given by the stewardess when it comes to putting on your oxygen mask or do we adhere to the principle of sacrifice?

The standards that I had when I was living in an eastern society definitely transformed to something else when I moved to a western society. I am still struggling to determine the difference. At first, I wanted to know which was right and which wasn’t but that does not work that way. In this day of age, nothing cannot be judges as immoral. I mean, please define ethical in the most acceptable way. Not one person will agree with one statement. Every person has a voice now and that makes my world a little bit more crazy every time I deal with decisions. Which is more like me? Which seems more morally correct? In my eyes, in my current society or in my parents’ perspective? 

It doesn’t get easier than that.

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What if this world learned about equality or equity in all levels and where everyone will be given the same right to live and enjoy his/her life?

Wouldn’t that be the best feeling?

How will the customers be happy if the employees are not happy? But we cannot please everybody, right? How will the employer’s profits be used to balance profit of staying on top while providing enough for the stakeholders? Where does work-life balance fit in? I know some of you will mention about Google or Apple. I will not argue because they are very known to be truly wonderful organizations that anyone will be blessed to be part of. But let’s look this at the bigger picture because it’s not like the whole world can work in only those two companies. How much time must be spent to working, spending time with your loved ones, learning and studying for one’s sake, and for staying healthy? Is it possible to not feel empty at all?

I want to believe that one day, we will all be able to reach to a point where everyone is in the middle-class, and nobody is too popular or too wealthy. Trust me, if you know me really well, that is all that I talk about. What if there was not more than one currency and what if we all lived in the same kind of house? Well, try watching “Equals” or “Hunger Games” or “Divergent” or any movie that shows how the world will work when we have this perceived order in the society.. and then, you might change your mind.

The whole world will be in total silence and no emotions can be seen.

Think of it. In our imperfect world, when one person is happy, somehow.. at one part of the world, someone is not happy. Then again, what is our definition of happiness. I would tell myself.. the only thing that can make this world a much better place is respect. Respect to what other people see as valuable — as long as it does not hurt anyone — and respect when it comes to other people’s way of expressing themselves — then again, as long as it does not hurt anyone. However, how about the implicit behaviours that may not be seen to be directly and overtly damaging someone else’s feelings but in that (hurt) person’s point of view have affected them in a negative way.

Where does equality stand in that occasion?

The world has become more complicated. I am not saying that changes are wrong. This is a conversation I will just want to initiate in regards to continuously expressing what we want and what we desire to see in a world that is full of complex people who are made up of countless experiences that may have shaped their (our) current perception of life and what it should be.

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I am boggled by the idea that there will be never-ending question (not answers) when it comes to all the “What If’s” in the way society works. Then again, we have our voices for a reason and I hope that we will use it to create positive conversations and build an understanding platform where every individual speak with the most sincere intention of making our world a better place to live in. ❤

Enjoy your weekend, loves!

Speechless

Have you ever had this feeling where you can’t comprehend the emotions you are experiencing? It is a combination of relief, contentment, excitement, and calmness.

There are always these moments that boggle my mind. I was raised to be a listener and expressing the thoughts that are running marathons in my head was and is still never easy. Writing them down can be challenging but talking about them can sometimes be impossible. This year’s word of “eloquence” is working well though because I have pushed myself to speak more about my ideas without thinking too much about how others will respond. I still filter a lot but I am less anxious.

I am speechless not because I have got nothing to say rather I am unable to describe what I usually feel. My brain is as complicated as my heart where the past, present, and future rambles together to find their place in my decisions. Sometimes, it is fun to wander in my head whilst thinking of so many possibilities on how one event can lead to the other and how the looking back gives sense to everything that is currently happening. It’s a crazy beautiful kind of day. I hope that you get to be mindful of what you’re feeling and experience the magic inside you. 

I mainly wanted to reach out to my readers and to remind myself that I am blessed to be living in this world full of lessons to learn. I feel fearless of whatever can happen and feel so hopeful with the endless string of probabilities. I am still scared but in a different way where I am just open to what may happen because I know that at the end of the day, it will be something that I will learn from.

I was an obsessive planner. I used to imagine in my mind on what was supposed to happen from start to finish; however, I learned that it’s not much fun. One time I heard or read from an article on how a kid was so disappointed but how he knew what the weather will be like for tomorrow. Would an adult have ever thought about that? It’s so interesting how we expect everything to be laid out for us while still having a desire to live a life filled with excitement. Where is the excitement in knowing what will happen next? There will always be disappointments but that is part of life. There can be so many reasons to get mad and angry at the world and the society but why would I when I can do something about it? It does not have to be grand.

The small gestures of respect and love is enough to live your life. If you were born with a vision then go for it. If you were born with warmness in your heart then do not be afraid to share this. If you were born with a talent then please, please do not be afraid of showing it. If you were born with a soft voice but a strong will then find a way.

The world teaches us how to numb down our feelings and lower down our voices but we were brought in this world for a reason. Whatever it may be, please never give up in whatever good you are doing. This popular video that spread like fire in all form of social media teaches us that we must not let our environment dictate our future. The judge was obviously surprised with how her good childhood friend resulted to theft. An answer will be societal standards.

I imagine a world where character precedes personality, morals before networks, and humility over pride. This may be an ideal state but so many people have fought for it, which means that it is worth fighting for. The world is becoming one, my friends. There are no more set standards or definitions ( I have yet to analyze whether this is a good thing or not ) that restrict us from becoming the reality of our dreams. Anything can happen now. Who knew these things like cell phones, laptops, airplanes, 3D printing, and many more inventions and discoveries will ever exist?

That is what I am feeling right now: hopeful but still, speechless

|| I will later write about where this inspiration came from, in a separate post about traveling. I still was not able to find the right words to describe the whole experience. There are a couple of drafts that I have started but nothing solid. It will be soon, loves! ||

Pleasing Disorder

When I was in this workshop that focused on using emotions for the advantage of improving one’s confidence and energy level, I was able to verify something about myself. I truly live for the sake of wanting to make people feel good about themselves.

The activity goes like this: we were told to stand up and separate into 2 groups. There were 2 rounds. The first round is that our group had to walk around slouching our backs, looking down, and avoiding any sort of conversation that the other group (while they were walking with confidence, smiling, putting their chin up, and greeting everyone they meet) initiated. The roles were reversed for the second round where our group gets to become the confident ones. We were then asked about our confidence and energy levels after every round. Everyone’s answers made sense in a way that most of them had either a higher level of both criteria. I did not raise my hand because I was not sure what I felt during the whole session. My energy levels were almost the same and even somehow at some point, went below that my starting point.

What’s the reason behind this? At first, I really did not understand but after reflecting on it, I was able to fully internalize why I had such reactions.

I did not want anyone to feel different than what I was feeling and this is most true when I am happy. Whoever I am talking to and surrounded with, I want them to either feel as happy as I am or even better. I was having a conversation with my brother the other day about this same topic and it’s really great to hear someone else’s perspective because it wakes you up from where you’re stuck at. I was stuck at thinking that “why would I want to be so happy when the people around me are not satisfied with where they are? Am I not responsible in going down to their level and finding a way to raise their spirits?” My brother instantly responded, “No.”

I was a bit annoyed at first because me, being a big humanitarian, did not believe that there is such a thing as being more privileged or blessed because I knew that everyone had a flaw so each individual deserves accommodation. This may be true in some sense but when my brother said, “I am surrounded by confident people and seeing them inspires me to be confident as well. If they had gone down to my level then no one wins. When they show me the better way of living, which is through assertiveness then it’s a win-win situation. I get to be as confident and they don’t lose theirs.

I am still digesting this fact that is not too common for me. I grew up in environments where people really depended on me to improve their lives. In elementary and high school, I was the one who was good at Math and taught her fellow students to keep on track with all the lessons. In swimming training, I was the eldest of them all so I was looked upon to become a role model, a nurturing big sister and an understanding competitor for her fellow team mates. At home, I was the eldest among my siblings and therefore, was tasked to teach her siblings, take care of them, and was responsible for their performance both at home and in school. I should not say that it was a burden to carry but at some point, it did become one because I exhausted all my energy towards bringing people to their highest point that I was not receiving enough from the people around me. They expected me to have enough and unfortunately, I did not have enough.

It is hard but I find it ingrained in myself.. the need to understand everyone even if they don’t need to be understood. My plate is full but I tend to sacrifice my own happiness in order to satisfy someone else’s. It can be tiring but I must fight through this. I need to keep my kindness but at the same time, respect my own serenity and identity.

Illusions of Us

We all want to be happy. Everything we do we perceive to lead to happiness. We study hard to be seen as someone smart, to be accepted and therefore to be happy. We work so hard to be recognized and then promoted to receive a better salary, which leads to a better lifestyle and attainment of our either materialistic and non-materialistic wants and needs where these results to happiness. We work things out with our past because we want to fix everything and make everything smooth sailing in order to feel a sense of relief and security, which are also known to be associated to being happy. In life, I realized that I have planted my goals with the notion that these will provide me an uplifting emotion that will last forever. I want to be this ideal being who gets this dream job and have a perfect family to become a big somebody in this world. However, these are not the cases at most (or all) times. In my observations, every time that I set a list of goals, I have created a world of my own illusions.

the illusion that this position will make me happy this illusion that this opportunity will make me happy this illusion that this experience will make me happy this illusion that this thing will make me happy

The end goal must not be to become happy. In my opinion and based on the experiences of falling down and rising back up, I have understood the logic behind my ability to reach my desired state: inner peace and consistency. I needed to understand a very important lesson: I must not aim for happiness but personal growth. Everything that we do, once it challenges our belief and at the same time, aligns with our values, will become another path paved for us in reaching our destination. I noticed that every time I was able to accomplish a specific goal that I thought will bring me happiness, the more likely that I became disappointed because of the great expectations that this certain experience will satisfy my needs. I learned to let loose and trust myself more than the external forces of pressure to become this ideal person. It was a scary thought at times to know that maybe who I thought I should be does not reflect who I truly am.

I am supposed to be loud I am supposed to be ready to exclaim my achievements and sell myself I am supposed to be more aggressive and be less afraid of hustling I am supposed to network well to use them to reach my desired career

I am none of those. Just for the sake of having no regrets, I tried them out at one point of my life but then, I really felt awful later on. These characteristics did not reflect my values nor did they make me feel proud of who I am. I did not want to talk about so much of my accomplishments just so that I will be noticed or have that “edge”. I cannot and will not use my relationships for the very reason that they are useful for me. My relationships are all about substance, I keep them because they share a part of who I am and I value their thoughts.

We are made to be different; therefore, with different paths to choose. There is never just one way to be able to become our best versions. It can be really difficult and frustrating but so far.. from what I understood, in order to reach that genuine sense of fulfillment and happiness, I must be able to aim for my personal growth and everything will fall into its right place at the right time. Patience is the key. Most importantly, no matter what happens, always look back to notice the patterns that mirror your strengths and capabilities as an individual. Use these and hone them for these are the things that shapes our identity and reflects our uniqueness. Why focus on the darkness of the night when there are so many stars? Look for the experiences that will enhance your understanding of the world and of yourself. Invest your time wisely. Listen to yourself more than you listen to the world around you, you know the best for you; however, be open to new things and ideas as these contribute to broadening your creativity and imagination. Lastly, at the end of the day, we are who we are and no matter how much we try to become the persons dictated by the society as “acceptable” and “notable”, our hearts will always remind us of our innermost identity.

Identity speaks of our values. Identity does not indicate our worst habits nor our greatest fears rather identity reminds us what keeps us alive and enthusiastic about life. It is the main driver of why we continue to live and strive for the better and for the best of ourselves.