3rd law of motion

It already surprises how one can change their minds so quickly but what blows my mind is how one’s perspective towards himself/herself, people around him/her, and the world can change in a heartbeat because of a sudden realization.

Life is easier done than said. How? The more experiences I accumulate, the deeper understanding and maturity I will possess. Failure is given; success is a milestone to celebrated but it is always not to get attached to it. {fame & power are tools to perform greater deeds and must never be the destination}

“No man is an island”

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.. it’s true but its much simpler than what I thought. There were a lot of instances that this came to me but it was only a few days ago that it occurred to me: my action is a chain reaction of what can happen next to someone else’s life. We are given this freedom to choose but ensure that you have the purest intentions in doing what you’ve chosen in addition to committing to it 100% – unless it becomes unhealthy to you and the people around you.

I reflected to my own life and realized that most of the blessings and mishaps that happened to me was a domino effect – no blame games here. The reality is that it would be a hike. The idea of “the one” and the “normal” thing to do are illusions created, you and I can build our own experiences with the daily decisions that we make. You and I are true shapers of the world and the reason events happen are due to our actions – in accumulation. 

pure intentions + ultimate commitment = ? destination
personal stories = experiences with events and people

I believe in the greater Being and my knowledge relies on It providing every human being to decide while being given the notion of the consciousness. As I have silenced the negativity and noise around me, the more I heard my own voice – listen carefully. However, also open some light into other people’s perspectives, it can be a lifetime lesson. Hear them out but know how to question. Stay curious. 🙂

C’est la vie, mes ami/es!

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Chasing Pavements

I will be done University in less than 2 weeks. I finished an exam just this morning and have two more to write. I know that I should probably be more worried about studying for those than writing this post but I have been caught up with life and I just gotta shake it off, you know? School has been hectic, as usual. It’s a fixed aspect of my life but I gotta admit.. there’s so much variability happening around me that maybe, I have to find something constant to optimize my life.. for now. Forgive my terms, I just finished a statistics exam! tee hee

Anyway, this term has been the most overwhelming for me yet. I don’t know why but one thing’s for sure: I have to pause. (at least for 3 hours before I study again for my tomorrow’s exam)

I have been chasing pavements, yes. I wanted to do this and that, challenge myself and take on several responsibilities because I did not want to “waste” time. People think I stress too much but I like getting things done. I wanted to be productive for the sake of wanting to feel “fulfilled”. I kept those quotation marks because I know that everyone has his or her own particular definition for them. What has life been? fast.

Trust me.

I value my emotions and keep my feeling on check every now and then. Recently though, I am guilty of just flying by life because I want to graduate and well, reap the harvest of my hard work even though I know that it’s not immediate.  I know it takes time and looking back, I have no regrets.. yet. Everything has been normal until life hits you with a “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?”

Pavement after pavement, these houses look so pretty that working my way all day everyday makes it seem worth it. Here are some reasons why you should pause: Let’s rephrase that, here are some reasons why I should pause:

Reason # 1: I am just one person

I want these:

  • calligraphy
  • read lots of books
  • play my keyboards
  • try boxing
  • swimming routine
  • study for an MBA
  • get a TEFL certificate
  • open a business
  • build a foundation
  • learn the guitar
  • buy a trumpet/clarinet
  • attend jazz concerts
  • photoblog
  • etc…

but you see, I’m just ONE person. I have to understand the essence of time and appreciate the process. If it feels right then I’ll do it. I must learn to say no to the things that don’t define me. I guess, I am still figuring my way in this thing called LIFE.

What am I running from? boredom and regret.
What am I running towards? success and accomplishment.

That was my mentality before but now, I’ve realized that they can go side by side and overlap if I go against the flow and timing of what feels right right now. What I mean by that is for example, I want buy a guitar because I don’t want to regret instead of acknowledging that I am already busy with school plus I haven’t really played my keyboards at home for the longest time.. then if I actually buy it, I will have to juggle all of what I have and not be really successful. You know that feeling that bothers you when you haven’t really done the things that you told yourself you would do?

Yes, that guilt. In my opinion, it happens when we do things for the wrong reasons. I have learned to check in with myself and my intentions.

Good: Love and Passion
Bad: Attention and Pride

Limitations are sometimes good because there is only enough space that my heart can feel for, that my mind can wander on, and that my time can really accommodate. Don’t get me wrong, I have 0 regrets because I have done almost everything that I wanted to do (+ there’s so much more) but it is accepting the fact that I can’t do everything single thing. Time must be spent gracefully.

Reason # 2: I know what I want 

Authenticity is what I am aiming for in my daily encounters. It is hard, especially when I internalize on the possible judgments and expectations that people have on me but guess what? those should not matter. Listen carefully to what your heart yearns for, whether it be serenity or excitement or depth or creativity. Be honest to yourself and as long as you’re not doing anything wrong, why be shy? I should tell that to myself more often. ❤ Enough said.

Reason # 3: I just lost a good friend

I cannot fathom the words to really describe how it feels to lose someone so close to me. She was like a sister to me.. someone who understood my strengths, weaknesses and tendencies (vice versa) that our lives can almost intertwine. Our conversations always run deep about the intricate details of our teenage years, the countless answers to our present struggles, and our visions of the future. I was in a rat race until this caught my attention and I knew that I just had to stop or at least to slow down. If I don’t, I am sure that it will hit me all at once by the time my exams are finished. It won’t be nice and I’m sure that my friend would not want to see me sad. I will tell you more about it later, my fellow word-pressers. I can probably express myself better in writing that in speech so hear me out. 🙂

 

It has been a great 2-hour break writing this. I know that life still goes on.. and on.. and on no matter what so I have to chase another pavement but this time, I will respect my pace and allow some rest to just be still. I deserve it. We all do.

Off I go! Wish me luck. And may your lives be ever beautiful where beautiful does not mean perfect straight lines but loops and loops of squiggly shapes and sizes. Your choice. What looks more beautiful? 🙂

Tell me it’s real (Number 1)

My image of the world 10 years ago was totally different from now. I have learned a lot and it is tough to be an adult. I have not reached the peak of my adulthood yet but everything that I am seeing, understanding and digesting in this world.. it’s just mind-boggling. You need to do sacrifices and you need to commit to your decisions. Things can get rough and people will sometimes not appreciate you but you have to intrinsically motivate yourself to keep moving forward.

This is reality. I don’t want to be the killjoy or the negative person who bursts everybody’s bubble of “pure happiness” especially those are in their early 20s, like me; however, I had to post these since I knew that once I realized them, I had to share and make my fellow dear human beings that they are not alone.

  1. There is no equality in opportunities so work hard-er.

We must admit that despite the ongoing demonstrations and initiatives to level out the playing field, there are several more issues to tackle like mental illness and introversion being perceived as lack of confidence or being anti-social. These stigmas put great pressure on behalf of the people who are suffering such instances. The pressure comes from the outside of the dominant population attaching negative connotation on them as well as internally, the individuals who are experiencing them must strengthen their inner ability to avoid self-prophecy to take place.

Take it from me. I dislike it when people see my meek personality as incompetent, innocent, and lack of confidence. I used to believe the judgements as true and the definition of why I act the way I do. Now, I am faced with this ongoing debate inside me who I truly am because every circumstance shows me a different side of me and nothing seems to be constant. The thing is though just because I hear so many comments about my kindness, gentleness, and “innocence” that it’s only those that I notice and not the times when I was able to speak in front of a group of people or actually enjoyed a party with good music and good company because I knew that I was never that kind of girl (the latter 2).

It frustrates me to juggle between the several identities. I am constantly faced with statements that may limit my ability to reach my dreams just because I let them to. It was part of my growing up, I was never the loud and decisive one. I was always the soft-spoken and considerate one. It’s not a bad thing but when you hear it all the time, it hurts to hear that I can never be the assertive and strong-willed one. 

Don’t worry about me though, I have done a lot to go outside my comfort zone. I have had countless mistakes and it breaks my heart into pieces every time I recall them but I told myself that it is all a process. Every little thing will be okay. I am a minority, I am a woman, I am meek, and I am sensitive but those qualities will not stop me from achieving my own standards of happiness and satisfaction. It will take much more effort than those who already possess the extra privilege to be seen and perceived as strong-willed, confident, and deserving. It was tough to swallow but it’s true. I don’t blame anyone because it’s nobody’s fault. Some people are just born with a beautiful image of the world as endless and boundless and therefore, believes the same philosophy counts for every single individual in the world.

It’s all on me now. Now that I understand my struggles, I am conscious of my actions.. I must know better.

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I decided to take one realization at a time since it takes time for me to fully comprehend what I am trying to say. In addition, it can be hard to digest. Is it just me or do I feel stronger every time I speak up about my weaknesses. It’s self-acceptance and each of us deserves that. Our environment can affect how we view the world but that should not limit our desire to look outside the box and discover much more wonderful things.

What If

What if we stopped being so tied up about what other people think of us and just do what we want to do?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to shine and not feel horrible about it?

There are times when I imagine a world where everybody does what they want while caring for one another as well but then, I figured that it is all just a fantasy. I have witnessed social media portray several initiatives done by individuals who want to change the world and in all honesty, I am always amazed and at awe of their courage. I was once that idealist. I still am but I am slowly seeing the bigger picture.

You cannot please everybody. There is not one thing that is universal anymore, in my opinion. Although words like “love” and “peace” may be seen across cultures but the way these are being expressed are seen in several degrees and angles. For the western culture, it may be that we learn to love ourselves for who we are and be at peace with what we most desire whether it be ambition, health, wealth, or career. For the eastern culture, it will most likely be love where we will put others before ourselves and peace amongst family members, most especially that of the parents’, are most significant. I am only speaking when it comes to my experience.

What about the environment? Where does the corporate world fit in? How about competition? How can we get the best products with the fastest processing time for the convenience of our customers while abiding by every environmental law? Who do you serve first: yourself or others? Do we follow the instructions given by the stewardess when it comes to putting on your oxygen mask or do we adhere to the principle of sacrifice?

The standards that I had when I was living in an eastern society definitely transformed to something else when I moved to a western society. I am still struggling to determine the difference. At first, I wanted to know which was right and which wasn’t but that does not work that way. In this day of age, nothing cannot be judges as immoral. I mean, please define ethical in the most acceptable way. Not one person will agree with one statement. Every person has a voice now and that makes my world a little bit more crazy every time I deal with decisions. Which is more like me? Which seems more morally correct? In my eyes, in my current society or in my parents’ perspective? 

It doesn’t get easier than that.

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What if this world learned about equality or equity in all levels and where everyone will be given the same right to live and enjoy his/her life?

Wouldn’t that be the best feeling?

How will the customers be happy if the employees are not happy? But we cannot please everybody, right? How will the employer’s profits be used to balance profit of staying on top while providing enough for the stakeholders? Where does work-life balance fit in? I know some of you will mention about Google or Apple. I will not argue because they are very known to be truly wonderful organizations that anyone will be blessed to be part of. But let’s look this at the bigger picture because it’s not like the whole world can work in only those two companies. How much time must be spent to working, spending time with your loved ones, learning and studying for one’s sake, and for staying healthy? Is it possible to not feel empty at all?

I want to believe that one day, we will all be able to reach to a point where everyone is in the middle-class, and nobody is too popular or too wealthy. Trust me, if you know me really well, that is all that I talk about. What if there was not more than one currency and what if we all lived in the same kind of house? Well, try watching “Equals” or “Hunger Games” or “Divergent” or any movie that shows how the world will work when we have this perceived order in the society.. and then, you might change your mind.

The whole world will be in total silence and no emotions can be seen.

Think of it. In our imperfect world, when one person is happy, somehow.. at one part of the world, someone is not happy. Then again, what is our definition of happiness. I would tell myself.. the only thing that can make this world a much better place is respect. Respect to what other people see as valuable — as long as it does not hurt anyone — and respect when it comes to other people’s way of expressing themselves — then again, as long as it does not hurt anyone. However, how about the implicit behaviours that may not be seen to be directly and overtly damaging someone else’s feelings but in that (hurt) person’s point of view have affected them in a negative way.

Where does equality stand in that occasion?

The world has become more complicated. I am not saying that changes are wrong. This is a conversation I will just want to initiate in regards to continuously expressing what we want and what we desire to see in a world that is full of complex people who are made up of countless experiences that may have shaped their (our) current perception of life and what it should be.

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I am boggled by the idea that there will be never-ending question (not answers) when it comes to all the “What If’s” in the way society works. Then again, we have our voices for a reason and I hope that we will use it to create positive conversations and build an understanding platform where every individual speak with the most sincere intention of making our world a better place to live in. ❤

Enjoy your weekend, loves!

True Love

You may not have perfect attendance in my everyday encounters but you made sure that you were always there when I needed you. You were working 24/7 because you wanted me to have a wonderful future thinking that the money you have poured out in my education and possessions were enough to satisfy my dire need for attention. I excelled in school but not in my ability to immediately belong in society. I was different.

I was 10

You saw that I was growing up quick but you let me experience life. You saw how I rose to the top and how I fell to the ground. You were all ears and even tears, they rolled down on your eyes after hearing how I have suffered but you knew this was just another learning experience and the best you can do is to support me and hold my hand. You worked harder and harder as your eldest child learns to enjoy life.

I was 12

You have seen my imperfections but still loved and cared for me endlessly. I focus on impressing my friends that I have forgotten what makes you smile. I make mistakes but you continue to help me. I push you away but you bring yourself near every time to make me feel that you have not given up in loving me, for me. I tell you my achievements and you respond with a simple response but I hear from all my relatives how proud you are of me.

I was 15

You knew that I was not the best but continued to let me do what I want to do. Then came a time when I knew I was not enough for society and then, I wondered why you never pushed me hard to become best in what I do.. you answered me, “because you were good enough for me. You seemed happy in what you were doing so we did not want to put any pressure.” You were rooting for me not because I was good at what I was doing rather you wanted me to appreciate the simple joys I had. You continue to pay for my hobbies to sustain my happiness.

I was 18

You knew I was having a hard time and you still gave me your time despite your current sufferings. You knew you had much more to give up for this decision for our perceived success in a new environment. It was tough for me and I was selfish to think of my own challenges as the worst that could happen. You cried with me and finally, have become vulnerable of your own reasons for your tears. I am grateful for opening your heart to me. Now, I understand. I, too, am crying with you.

I have been aiming for so many things to prove my love for you. I became extremely busy trying to reach for the stars when I have forgotten to look around that while I was flying high, I have lost touch with you and even though you were looking up to me, I still felt alone. You reminded me that I did not need to do anything to make your proud because you already are. You tell me every time, “You are our pride. You are the reason that we continue to live and work. You never fail us. All we want you to become is healthy and happy. The achievements that you bring to this family? They are also important but to us, they are just additional assets that make us happy that not only are you happy but you are doing really well. We love you.”

I could not get it but everyday, you prove through your actions, that you care a lot. I have learned that this is what true love is. Love does not have to be extravagant. It can be the little things that you do like remembering birthdays, cooking for a meal, fixing the house, going home early to talk, and giving hugs. You cook our meals, drive me to work when I sleep late the night before, learn as much in order to catch up with my growing knowledge, book trips for us to see different places, and shower me hugs & kisses.

I am 22 and I am continuing to learn more about the definition of love but one thing is for sure, I love my parents, forever and always. ❤

Speechless

Have you ever had this feeling where you can’t comprehend the emotions you are experiencing? It is a combination of relief, contentment, excitement, and calmness.

There are always these moments that boggle my mind. I was raised to be a listener and expressing the thoughts that are running marathons in my head was and is still never easy. Writing them down can be challenging but talking about them can sometimes be impossible. This year’s word of “eloquence” is working well though because I have pushed myself to speak more about my ideas without thinking too much about how others will respond. I still filter a lot but I am less anxious.

I am speechless not because I have got nothing to say rather I am unable to describe what I usually feel. My brain is as complicated as my heart where the past, present, and future rambles together to find their place in my decisions. Sometimes, it is fun to wander in my head whilst thinking of so many possibilities on how one event can lead to the other and how the looking back gives sense to everything that is currently happening. It’s a crazy beautiful kind of day. I hope that you get to be mindful of what you’re feeling and experience the magic inside you. 

I mainly wanted to reach out to my readers and to remind myself that I am blessed to be living in this world full of lessons to learn. I feel fearless of whatever can happen and feel so hopeful with the endless string of probabilities. I am still scared but in a different way where I am just open to what may happen because I know that at the end of the day, it will be something that I will learn from.

I was an obsessive planner. I used to imagine in my mind on what was supposed to happen from start to finish; however, I learned that it’s not much fun. One time I heard or read from an article on how a kid was so disappointed but how he knew what the weather will be like for tomorrow. Would an adult have ever thought about that? It’s so interesting how we expect everything to be laid out for us while still having a desire to live a life filled with excitement. Where is the excitement in knowing what will happen next? There will always be disappointments but that is part of life. There can be so many reasons to get mad and angry at the world and the society but why would I when I can do something about it? It does not have to be grand.

The small gestures of respect and love is enough to live your life. If you were born with a vision then go for it. If you were born with warmness in your heart then do not be afraid to share this. If you were born with a talent then please, please do not be afraid of showing it. If you were born with a soft voice but a strong will then find a way.

The world teaches us how to numb down our feelings and lower down our voices but we were brought in this world for a reason. Whatever it may be, please never give up in whatever good you are doing. This popular video that spread like fire in all form of social media teaches us that we must not let our environment dictate our future. The judge was obviously surprised with how her good childhood friend resulted to theft. An answer will be societal standards.

I imagine a world where character precedes personality, morals before networks, and humility over pride. This may be an ideal state but so many people have fought for it, which means that it is worth fighting for. The world is becoming one, my friends. There are no more set standards or definitions ( I have yet to analyze whether this is a good thing or not ) that restrict us from becoming the reality of our dreams. Anything can happen now. Who knew these things like cell phones, laptops, airplanes, 3D printing, and many more inventions and discoveries will ever exist?

That is what I am feeling right now: hopeful but still, speechless

|| I will later write about where this inspiration came from, in a separate post about traveling. I still was not able to find the right words to describe the whole experience. There are a couple of drafts that I have started but nothing solid. It will be soon, loves! ||

Creating Revolutions

“When everything seems to lack in integrity, find it in yourself. You change the world right from where you’re standing.” – Henry (Madam Secretary, Season 1 Episode 22)

I definitely love this TV series because it touches on the positive aspect of politics where people take into consideration the values and perspective of the common good. There is so much pollution in this world, not only literally but also figuratively. Emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.. we are trained to see our lives as a purpose to make a huge impact in the world, especially after being exposed with a lot of superhero shows that emphasizes on our capability to make this world a better place to live in.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that idea but it ignores the idea that we are just human beings and we are not perfectly equipped in carrying the whole weight of the world. We must change from within, there is no other way. If we can’t take care of ourselves, then how can we take care of the world. It’s just not possible.

The worst possible way of living life is waiting.. waiting for the “right time”, “right place” and the “right opportunity” to come. News flash: reality does not happen that way. The best way to start changing people’s lives is to begin with yourself right now. There is no better time that today. Yes, timing is important in so many aspects but here’s the thing, if you feel strongly about something like getting that promotion, moving to another city, or making that first move.. then just do it. In order to make an impact in someone else’s life, one must be a good role model.

I want to change people’s lives and the world. I want to help people grow and become the best versions of themselves. I want character to be the basis of a person’s worth and not his / her personality, whether he / she is an introvert or an extrovert. How can I make these changes if I myself am not aware of my strengths and weaknesses or if I was not able to acknowledge my potential and being comfortable with who I truly am or if I cannot accept that my weaknesses may regard me as part of the “normal”??

There is no better way than today, really. Starting today, I will be more kind to myself and acknowledge that I am worthy while being grounded. My daily interactions and the way I respond to my daily challenges are the baby steps that determines my desired future.

It will be a long, tiring, frustrating, and maybe even a disappointing path but at the end of the road, everything will be alright. Trust.