6 months of e-decluttering

Starting today, I will be on a personal project to remove my presence in all personal social media platforms – except for this as it is mainly for documenting my journey in understanding how it feels like to be detached from seeing the world in someone else’s lenses thus allowing me to be more mindful of my own environment and blessings I already have. The voices outside my head are getting louder and louder that I knew I had to do something to hear myself much clearly.

Every morning the first thing I do is shut off my alarm and then look at Instagram, mostly because I love images that either involve travelling or lifestyle. Irony is I knew that habit was not something I wanted to be included in my long-term lifestyle. It just does not bring the best out of me. Facebook is the same when I’m commuting or having lunch by myself. I used to love to people-watch and I still do, I just forget because I’m slowly embarking on the bandwagon or at least the norm of using my phone to “relax”.

It’s not healthy.. for me. I am learning something and definitely staying updated with current events in addition to the lives of my friends. When contemplating about it though, I have enough in front of me, in the present. I forget to look at what I have and simply take advantage of what’s of reach – my family, my books, and my city.

I’ll be doing regular reflections to see the progression of my perspectives. Hop on this chapter with me? 🙂

Seasonal Hues

Life evolves and transforms like the seasons – happiness, excitement, disappointment, contentment. It changes day by day, it could be by the hour or by the minute and possibly in a second, your life can change its course. In order to thrive in these sudden transformations, you must be flexible but grounded. Your values guide your decisions and therefore, form your identity. My decisions are a dictation of who I am and what my future might entail so I always remember to live life with intent and meaning.

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Recently, I moved out from family. It felt right for me because I thought that the transition to explore life as a I reach my quarter-life was almost natural. The need to get out and have my own space of consciousness was there and I could not ignore it. That was my soul reaching out to my very existence – I must recognize that. Nonetheless, I took my time to find the right people and the right place and now that it has come, I feel quite strange and different (in the most surreal yet humbling way).

I thought it was fair to document this so I could look back and reminisce the very essence of following what I thought was right. This opportunity to choose to be in my own space – without anyone’s dictation. I am grateful for my parents’ trust and for the Greater Being’s guidance on my journey to get here.

My parents were certainly devastated inside that I have left their abode as it is quite a taboo in my culture to be moving out before marriage. I have reassured them (and myself) that my departure was not about their lack of love or my escape from their clutches and it was more of my desire to understand myself better so I could love my whole identity and build my very own personal pillars. I’m doing this for them. (and for myself)

It’s a win-win situation, in my opinion.

In order for me to continue spreading love, I must learn to love myself and I can say in whole honesty that I do not. It is disappointing but I bully myself more than anyone else could bully anyone and if you know me, I am quite a critic. My love for my family covers every inch of my soul. I decided to challenge my life choices because I know that at the of the day, I will get to bring home more love and respect for my parents (respect because I will now know how it feels to really take care of my own space now that they are not there to easily fix my errors) and more wisdom to share to my siblings (wisdom on how to further grow and mature conscientiously).

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Moving out isn’t for everyone and timing is very important. Understand yours and know that you must move at your own pace. Do not do something because everyone else is doing it – you will regret it. You are your own person so build your own story!

Seasons pass and you must fully immerse yourself in the whole experience because next thing you’ll know – it has already passed. Life is beautiful and what better way to live it than with all your heart, soul, and mind. Every hue is different but look at it closely and see the beauty it unfolds. Never lose that. Colour away. 🙂

3rd law of motion

It already surprises how one can change their minds so quickly but what blows my mind is how one’s perspective towards himself/herself, people around him/her, and the world can change in a heartbeat because of a sudden realization.

Life is easier done than said. How? The more experiences I accumulate, the deeper understanding and maturity I will possess. Failure is given; success is a milestone to celebrated but it is always not to get attached to it. {fame & power are tools to perform greater deeds and must never be the destination}

“No man is an island”

I have always believed that everything happens for a reason.. it’s true but its much simpler than what I thought. There were a lot of instances that this came to me but it was only a few days ago that it occurred to me: my action is a chain reaction of what can happen next to someone else’s life. We are given this freedom to choose but ensure that you have the purest intentions in doing what you’ve chosen in addition to committing to it 100% – unless it becomes unhealthy to you and the people around you.

I reflected to my own life and realized that most of the blessings and mishaps that happened to me was a domino effect – no blame games here. The reality is that it would be a hike. The idea of “the one” and the “normal” thing to do are illusions created, you and I can build our own experiences with the daily decisions that we make. You and I are true shapers of the world and the reason events happen are due to our actions – in accumulation. 

pure intentions + ultimate commitment = ? destination
personal stories = experiences with events and people

I believe in the greater Being and my knowledge relies on It providing every human being to decide while being given the notion of the consciousness. As I have silenced the negativity and noise around me, the more I heard my own voice – listen carefully. However, also open some light into other people’s perspectives, it can be a lifetime lesson. Hear them out but know how to question. Stay curious. 🙂

C’est la vie, mes ami/es!

Leap of Faith

This year.. I will commit myself to only do things that speaks of my heart’s needs. I know that it will be tough but having the most genuine intentions and following my gut feeling are two of the most important things I must practice for a sustainable life. I want to look back and feel grateful that I never held back my passions and aspirations.. that I never simply settled.

I am in my 20s and therefore, do not have any excuse to sit down and wait for that opportunity nor do I have time to waste on a routine that does not leverage my own values and happiness. I am a happy person, I consider myself one. In order to swim through this complex world, I must stay tuned to my inner thoughts and emotions. This will be a tug of war between my mind and my heart.. challenge accepted!

University is almost over. Although I have witnessed a part of what the “real world” is like, I will try my best to stay true to myself and to not give up on kindness towards my fellow beings. It might seem crazy but I believe in a better sense of what “reality” is and it can only get better than this.

Hold on tight, world.

All we need is love

Merry Christmas, dear wordpress-ers! ❤

It’s been a lovely year with everyone, from family to friends to practically just anyone and everyone. It’s not a day to just give and receive gifts because there’s more to it than that. This day is a reminder that we are all on the same boat with our own burdens to carry and despite that, we can still learn to love & care for one another.

The other day, someone told me that she was not religious at all but she appreciates the holiday vibe where people are a little bit kinder and more considerate. That’s the thing: why can’t we practice everyday? Wouldn’t the world be a little bit better if everyone carried a more caring heart?

Christmas is about you and me, us against the wrath of this world. Although we are different internally and externally, I am pretty sure that we will not be able to live without a throbbing heart that is always ready to love. The risk of not getting it in return can be frightening but what is worse is not having to try to share it.

Gifts are gifts but giving your time to listen and heart to understand, that is what we all need to create a more human world free of judgements, assumptions, and expectations. Let’s make this work out.

Love reciprocates naturally. It just does. Let’s stop hiding from what if’s and start feeling of what is. 🙂

 

Tell me it’s real (Number 2)

2.  Prioritize

Not everybody will agree with your dreams and therefore, will say things that will persuade you to divert from the path you are heading to. When you have already walked so far and feel empty, I tell you.. that is a sign. This time, you cannot blame anyone, not even yourself because you have already had enough struggles.

When setting a goal, you must understand the trade-offs and sacrifices you must do. Mark Manson highlights this concept really well. (his blog is amazing by the way! I’m halfway through reading the whole blog haha)

If you highly prioritize your family and friends then opening a new business is not really the best option as of the moment. I am saying this because in order to successfully gain back what you have spent on your new venture (let’s say, your Return on Investment), you must be able to commit lots and lots of time, energy, and resources to capitalize your brand. With technology, that also includes outside your working hours so technically, that entails a 24/7 monitoring for at least the first few years to sustain its success.

If you highly prioritize new challenges and continuous travels, then starting a family is not really the best option at this time. My wanderlust for trying out so many things by the time I graduate and even still in school is so much that I assured myself that marriage will be at the bottom of my list, for now. Relationships are important to me; however, the level of commitment I have is allotted to my career management and investments to become a better person. I am not saying that I am not satisfied with what I have rather I am still certain that there is more that I can do. I can be ambitious and I did not want to sacrifice that over the pressures of a gender role I am expected to fill just because I am a woman. I want to have a family, don’t get me wrong. I love kids, so much! I can imagine myself staying at home to cook for my loved ones and preparing my child’s first day of school kit. It can be nostalgic to foresee that future but I do not want to get there and regret things that I have always wanted to do but was unable to because I was too caught up with pleasing societal expectations.

I can name more circumstances but I think you get what I mean. Each individual has their own priorities and these are usually guided by their values so understand what it is that drives your mind kabazooommm! and chase after it. It is definitely easier said than done. Even at my age of 23, I am still not certain of what I really want to do with my life. I just know that it composes of adventure, coaching, interaction, challenge, and kabillion of new discoveries. I am craving for always learning something different everyday so I am not settling. My next point can be contradictory but it is a necessity in being at pace and not going overboard.

Additional thoughts on this is that prioritize does not mean letting go of the other part of your life. It just means that you will be attending to it lesser than 50% of your energy because really, at the end of the day, you will not notice these percentages because all you will feel is genuine happiness and satisfaction. Only you will know when enough is enough. We must therefore understand the difference between contentment and laziness.

You are the captain of your ship. Sail away!

True Love

You may not have perfect attendance in my everyday encounters but you made sure that you were always there when I needed you. You were working 24/7 because you wanted me to have a wonderful future thinking that the money you have poured out in my education and possessions were enough to satisfy my dire need for attention. I excelled in school but not in my ability to immediately belong in society. I was different.

I was 10

You saw that I was growing up quick but you let me experience life. You saw how I rose to the top and how I fell to the ground. You were all ears and even tears, they rolled down on your eyes after hearing how I have suffered but you knew this was just another learning experience and the best you can do is to support me and hold my hand. You worked harder and harder as your eldest child learns to enjoy life.

I was 12

You have seen my imperfections but still loved and cared for me endlessly. I focus on impressing my friends that I have forgotten what makes you smile. I make mistakes but you continue to help me. I push you away but you bring yourself near every time to make me feel that you have not given up in loving me, for me. I tell you my achievements and you respond with a simple response but I hear from all my relatives how proud you are of me.

I was 15

You knew that I was not the best but continued to let me do what I want to do. Then came a time when I knew I was not enough for society and then, I wondered why you never pushed me hard to become best in what I do.. you answered me, “because you were good enough for me. You seemed happy in what you were doing so we did not want to put any pressure.” You were rooting for me not because I was good at what I was doing rather you wanted me to appreciate the simple joys I had. You continue to pay for my hobbies to sustain my happiness.

I was 18

You knew I was having a hard time and you still gave me your time despite your current sufferings. You knew you had much more to give up for this decision for our perceived success in a new environment. It was tough for me and I was selfish to think of my own challenges as the worst that could happen. You cried with me and finally, have become vulnerable of your own reasons for your tears. I am grateful for opening your heart to me. Now, I understand. I, too, am crying with you.

I have been aiming for so many things to prove my love for you. I became extremely busy trying to reach for the stars when I have forgotten to look around that while I was flying high, I have lost touch with you and even though you were looking up to me, I still felt alone. You reminded me that I did not need to do anything to make your proud because you already are. You tell me every time, “You are our pride. You are the reason that we continue to live and work. You never fail us. All we want you to become is healthy and happy. The achievements that you bring to this family? They are also important but to us, they are just additional assets that make us happy that not only are you happy but you are doing really well. We love you.”

I could not get it but everyday, you prove through your actions, that you care a lot. I have learned that this is what true love is. Love does not have to be extravagant. It can be the little things that you do like remembering birthdays, cooking for a meal, fixing the house, going home early to talk, and giving hugs. You cook our meals, drive me to work when I sleep late the night before, learn as much in order to catch up with my growing knowledge, book trips for us to see different places, and shower me hugs & kisses.

I am 22 and I am continuing to learn more about the definition of love but one thing is for sure, I love my parents, forever and always. ❤