6 months of e-decluttering

Starting today, I will be on a personal project to remove my presence in all personal social media platforms – except for this as it is mainly for documenting my journey in understanding how it feels like to be detached from seeing the world in someone else’s lenses thus allowing me to be more mindful of my own environment and blessings I already have. The voices outside my head are getting louder and louder that I knew I had to do something to hear myself much clearly.

Every morning the first thing I do is shut off my alarm and then look at Instagram, mostly because I love images that either involve travelling or lifestyle. Irony is I knew that habit was not something I wanted to be included in my long-term lifestyle. It just does not bring the best out of me. Facebook is the same when I’m commuting or having lunch by myself. I used to love to people-watch and I still do, I just forget because I’m slowly embarking on the bandwagon or at least the norm of using my phone to “relax”.

It’s not healthy.. for me. I am learning something and definitely staying updated with current events in addition to the lives of my friends. When contemplating about it though, I have enough in front of me, in the present. I forget to look at what I have and simply take advantage of what’s of reach – my family, my books, and my city.

I’ll be doing regular reflections to see the progression of my perspectives. Hop on this chapter with me? 🙂

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Seasonal Hues

Life evolves and transforms like the seasons – happiness, excitement, disappointment, contentment. It changes day by day, it could be by the hour or by the minute and possibly in a second, your life can change its course. In order to thrive in these sudden transformations, you must be flexible but grounded. Your values guide your decisions and therefore, form your identity. My decisions are a dictation of who I am and what my future might entail so I always remember to live life with intent and meaning.

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Recently, I moved out from family. It felt right for me because I thought that the transition to explore life as a I reach my quarter-life was almost natural. The need to get out and have my own space of consciousness was there and I could not ignore it. That was my soul reaching out to my very existence – I must recognize that. Nonetheless, I took my time to find the right people and the right place and now that it has come, I feel quite strange and different (in the most surreal yet humbling way).

I thought it was fair to document this so I could look back and reminisce the very essence of following what I thought was right. This opportunity to choose to be in my own space – without anyone’s dictation. I am grateful for my parents’ trust and for the Greater Being’s guidance on my journey to get here.

My parents were certainly devastated inside that I have left their abode as it is quite a taboo in my culture to be moving out before marriage. I have reassured them (and myself) that my departure was not about their lack of love or my escape from their clutches and it was more of my desire to understand myself better so I could love my whole identity and build my very own personal pillars. I’m doing this for them. (and for myself)

It’s a win-win situation, in my opinion.

In order for me to continue spreading love, I must learn to love myself and I can say in whole honesty that I do not. It is disappointing but I bully myself more than anyone else could bully anyone and if you know me, I am quite a critic. My love for my family covers every inch of my soul. I decided to challenge my life choices because I know that at the of the day, I will get to bring home more love and respect for my parents (respect because I will now know how it feels to really take care of my own space now that they are not there to easily fix my errors) and more wisdom to share to my siblings (wisdom on how to further grow and mature conscientiously).

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Moving out isn’t for everyone and timing is very important. Understand yours and know that you must move at your own pace. Do not do something because everyone else is doing it – you will regret it. You are your own person so build your own story!

Seasons pass and you must fully immerse yourself in the whole experience because next thing you’ll know – it has already passed. Life is beautiful and what better way to live it than with all your heart, soul, and mind. Every hue is different but look at it closely and see the beauty it unfolds. Never lose that. Colour away. 🙂

Leap of Faith

This year.. I will commit myself to only do things that speaks of my heart’s needs. I know that it will be tough but having the most genuine intentions and following my gut feeling are two of the most important things I must practice for a sustainable life. I want to look back and feel grateful that I never held back my passions and aspirations.. that I never simply settled.

I am in my 20s and therefore, do not have any excuse to sit down and wait for that opportunity nor do I have time to waste on a routine that does not leverage my own values and happiness. I am a happy person, I consider myself one. In order to swim through this complex world, I must stay tuned to my inner thoughts and emotions. This will be a tug of war between my mind and my heart.. challenge accepted!

University is almost over. Although I have witnessed a part of what the “real world” is like, I will try my best to stay true to myself and to not give up on kindness towards my fellow beings. It might seem crazy but I believe in a better sense of what “reality” is and it can only get better than this.

Hold on tight, world.

Tell me it’s real (Number 3)

How is everybody doing? I am almost finished my fall term in University! I can’t wait to get it over with. It has been crazy hectic in school and the requirements were heavier than I thought. I’m 75% in and there’s just a few more tweaks and refinements to make sure that our group presentation as well as papers that must be written will be polished! My student life aside, I am so excited to log in here and share my thoughts to you, lovely readers. This one can hurt but I have came to realize that it is necessary to thrive as an individual.

3. The road to your own happiness can be lonely

The path takes so much internalization and understanding of your own values: what matters the most and the things that distract you from what is yours. If you see Steve Jobs, he had to assert himself even though it meant letting his loved ones go. The conviction with what he felt was right and what was stopping him from getting where he is was very strong that it became unhealthy until he came to a point to take care of what he left behind. Not everyone will understand why you do what you do and as long as you know that you are doing the right thing, then what is stopping you?

It is easier said than done, I know. There are other factors to consider like family obligations and financial situation. When it comes to considering your loved ones:

“Always do what you want, and say what you feel,

because those who mind don’t matter,

and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss 

Sadly to say, there is nobody best to trust than yourself. You should know yourself better than anyone else. What I have always done before was to gather everyone’s opinion and base my decision from what they said. At the end of the day, it was not really me who technically choose my destiny because after being clouded by all their opinions, I created this image in my mind that was not even there in the very first place. The image can be bad, which will later cause my regrets for not pushing forward because it actually led to good results for some people; the image can be good, which later set my expectations too high to reach and therefore, led to disappointment. It’s all an illusion.

I am not saying that you will close your doors from the public rather I am emphasizing how important it is to listen to your own voice before anyone else’s. You must have a solid foundation of your values to not be swayed by temporary satisfaction or instant gratification like money, pleasure, leisure, or fame. You can adapt but don’t adopt because you’ll be lost. However, if the industry requires you to be physically fit (for example) then that will be a good habit to adopt since it will not only affect your overall performance in the job but also feel good as an individual. Some themes in social media can be seen as manipulating but a few, I consider, can be really important.

Anyway, I hope that we will all be brave enough to listen to our hearts while knowing our ground, values, and limitations to not expect too much and to live with hope for the possibilities of the future. There are people who genuinely care for you, let them think of you and give you support. Pushing people away is never an option. Let them know of your dreams and why you have to do what you’re doing. But really, one of the best advice I’ve heard was from my professor: be patient because there is no need to rush.

Take your time, friends! 🙂

 

 

Tell me it’s real (Number 2)

2.  Prioritize

Not everybody will agree with your dreams and therefore, will say things that will persuade you to divert from the path you are heading to. When you have already walked so far and feel empty, I tell you.. that is a sign. This time, you cannot blame anyone, not even yourself because you have already had enough struggles.

When setting a goal, you must understand the trade-offs and sacrifices you must do. Mark Manson highlights this concept really well. (his blog is amazing by the way! I’m halfway through reading the whole blog haha)

If you highly prioritize your family and friends then opening a new business is not really the best option as of the moment. I am saying this because in order to successfully gain back what you have spent on your new venture (let’s say, your Return on Investment), you must be able to commit lots and lots of time, energy, and resources to capitalize your brand. With technology, that also includes outside your working hours so technically, that entails a 24/7 monitoring for at least the first few years to sustain its success.

If you highly prioritize new challenges and continuous travels, then starting a family is not really the best option at this time. My wanderlust for trying out so many things by the time I graduate and even still in school is so much that I assured myself that marriage will be at the bottom of my list, for now. Relationships are important to me; however, the level of commitment I have is allotted to my career management and investments to become a better person. I am not saying that I am not satisfied with what I have rather I am still certain that there is more that I can do. I can be ambitious and I did not want to sacrifice that over the pressures of a gender role I am expected to fill just because I am a woman. I want to have a family, don’t get me wrong. I love kids, so much! I can imagine myself staying at home to cook for my loved ones and preparing my child’s first day of school kit. It can be nostalgic to foresee that future but I do not want to get there and regret things that I have always wanted to do but was unable to because I was too caught up with pleasing societal expectations.

I can name more circumstances but I think you get what I mean. Each individual has their own priorities and these are usually guided by their values so understand what it is that drives your mind kabazooommm! and chase after it. It is definitely easier said than done. Even at my age of 23, I am still not certain of what I really want to do with my life. I just know that it composes of adventure, coaching, interaction, challenge, and kabillion of new discoveries. I am craving for always learning something different everyday so I am not settling. My next point can be contradictory but it is a necessity in being at pace and not going overboard.

Additional thoughts on this is that prioritize does not mean letting go of the other part of your life. It just means that you will be attending to it lesser than 50% of your energy because really, at the end of the day, you will not notice these percentages because all you will feel is genuine happiness and satisfaction. Only you will know when enough is enough. We must therefore understand the difference between contentment and laziness.

You are the captain of your ship. Sail away!

What If

What if we stopped being so tied up about what other people think of us and just do what we want to do?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to shine and not feel horrible about it?

There are times when I imagine a world where everybody does what they want while caring for one another as well but then, I figured that it is all just a fantasy. I have witnessed social media portray several initiatives done by individuals who want to change the world and in all honesty, I am always amazed and at awe of their courage. I was once that idealist. I still am but I am slowly seeing the bigger picture.

You cannot please everybody. There is not one thing that is universal anymore, in my opinion. Although words like “love” and “peace” may be seen across cultures but the way these are being expressed are seen in several degrees and angles. For the western culture, it may be that we learn to love ourselves for who we are and be at peace with what we most desire whether it be ambition, health, wealth, or career. For the eastern culture, it will most likely be love where we will put others before ourselves and peace amongst family members, most especially that of the parents’, are most significant. I am only speaking when it comes to my experience.

What about the environment? Where does the corporate world fit in? How about competition? How can we get the best products with the fastest processing time for the convenience of our customers while abiding by every environmental law? Who do you serve first: yourself or others? Do we follow the instructions given by the stewardess when it comes to putting on your oxygen mask or do we adhere to the principle of sacrifice?

The standards that I had when I was living in an eastern society definitely transformed to something else when I moved to a western society. I am still struggling to determine the difference. At first, I wanted to know which was right and which wasn’t but that does not work that way. In this day of age, nothing cannot be judges as immoral. I mean, please define ethical in the most acceptable way. Not one person will agree with one statement. Every person has a voice now and that makes my world a little bit more crazy every time I deal with decisions. Which is more like me? Which seems more morally correct? In my eyes, in my current society or in my parents’ perspective? 

It doesn’t get easier than that.

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What if this world learned about equality or equity in all levels and where everyone will be given the same right to live and enjoy his/her life?

Wouldn’t that be the best feeling?

How will the customers be happy if the employees are not happy? But we cannot please everybody, right? How will the employer’s profits be used to balance profit of staying on top while providing enough for the stakeholders? Where does work-life balance fit in? I know some of you will mention about Google or Apple. I will not argue because they are very known to be truly wonderful organizations that anyone will be blessed to be part of. But let’s look this at the bigger picture because it’s not like the whole world can work in only those two companies. How much time must be spent to working, spending time with your loved ones, learning and studying for one’s sake, and for staying healthy? Is it possible to not feel empty at all?

I want to believe that one day, we will all be able to reach to a point where everyone is in the middle-class, and nobody is too popular or too wealthy. Trust me, if you know me really well, that is all that I talk about. What if there was not more than one currency and what if we all lived in the same kind of house? Well, try watching “Equals” or “Hunger Games” or “Divergent” or any movie that shows how the world will work when we have this perceived order in the society.. and then, you might change your mind.

The whole world will be in total silence and no emotions can be seen.

Think of it. In our imperfect world, when one person is happy, somehow.. at one part of the world, someone is not happy. Then again, what is our definition of happiness. I would tell myself.. the only thing that can make this world a much better place is respect. Respect to what other people see as valuable — as long as it does not hurt anyone — and respect when it comes to other people’s way of expressing themselves — then again, as long as it does not hurt anyone. However, how about the implicit behaviours that may not be seen to be directly and overtly damaging someone else’s feelings but in that (hurt) person’s point of view have affected them in a negative way.

Where does equality stand in that occasion?

The world has become more complicated. I am not saying that changes are wrong. This is a conversation I will just want to initiate in regards to continuously expressing what we want and what we desire to see in a world that is full of complex people who are made up of countless experiences that may have shaped their (our) current perception of life and what it should be.

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I am boggled by the idea that there will be never-ending question (not answers) when it comes to all the “What If’s” in the way society works. Then again, we have our voices for a reason and I hope that we will use it to create positive conversations and build an understanding platform where every individual speak with the most sincere intention of making our world a better place to live in. ❤

Enjoy your weekend, loves!

the climb

I have never felt so empty in my life.

When people see how I’m living, I seem so happy and whole but really, how could I tell them that I was not living the life that I crave for every time I wake up in the morning.

I feel like it’s too late to go back but is it?

I have been climbing up the ladder, crawling up the stairs just to see the rays of the sun by the window. They said it will be there when you get there. But when is when?

The struggle to want what I have is too real to ignore. People say “count my blessings” and I am, it’s just that the majority of my life just looks good on the outside but I feel dead inside. Why?

I still put my best foot forward in everything that I do and that’s why it hurts because I’d have to give in my best shot even if my heart is shouting “No!”. It hurts to feel this way.

Should life be all about resisting your inner ego of going for the things that I truly want. It may not be for me but there is an urge to follow my instinct, the one that my heart yearns for. My desire to feel important and impactful. It does not have to be big, it can be something simple but truly meaningful.

Then, there’s this pulling down factor of being judged. I know, who cares! but really, I care. I shouldn’t but I do. I love making people feel happy and cared for but it is not always mutual. I am not seeking for something in return but at the same time, I figured that I have forgotten to take care of myself. What do I see myself in 10 years from now? What risks am I willing to take? Am I living the life that I want? Do I feel energized? What other experiences did I want to go for?

They say that one of the greatest regrets people get when they grow older is that they chose to live according to the standards of someone else or the society.

The climb has been steep and I keep falling down but hey, there’s no giving up.