Seasonal Hues

Life evolves and transforms like the seasons – happiness, excitement, disappointment, contentment. It changes day by day, it could be by the hour or by the minute and possibly in a second, your life can change its course. In order to thrive in these sudden transformations, you must be flexible but grounded. Your values guide your decisions and therefore, form your identity. My decisions are a dictation of who I am and what my future might entail so I always remember to live life with intent and meaning.

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Recently, I moved out from family. It felt right for me because I thought that the transition to explore life as a I reach my quarter-life was almost natural. The need to get out and have my own space of consciousness was there and I could not ignore it. That was my soul reaching out to my very existence – I must recognize that. Nonetheless, I took my time to find the right people and the right place and now that it has come, I feel quite strange and different (in the most surreal yet humbling way).

I thought it was fair to document this so I could look back and reminisce the very essence of following what I thought was right. This opportunity to choose to be in my own space – without anyone’s dictation. I am grateful for my parents’ trust and for the Greater Being’s guidance on my journey to get here.

My parents were certainly devastated inside that I have left their abode as it is quite a taboo in my culture to be moving out before marriage. I have reassured them (and myself) that my departure was not about their lack of love or my escape from their clutches and it was more of my desire to understand myself better so I could love my whole identity and build my very own personal pillars. I’m doing this for them. (and for myself)

It’s a win-win situation, in my opinion.

In order for me to continue spreading love, I must learn to love myself and I can say in whole honesty that I do not. It is disappointing but I bully myself more than anyone else could bully anyone and if you know me, I am quite a critic. My love for my family covers every inch of my soul. I decided to challenge my life choices because I know that at the of the day, I will get to bring home more love and respect for my parents (respect because I will now know how it feels to really take care of my own space now that they are not there to easily fix my errors) and more wisdom to share to my siblings (wisdom on how to further grow and mature conscientiously).

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Moving out isn’t for everyone and timing is very important. Understand yours and know that you must move at your own pace. Do not do something because everyone else is doing it – you will regret it. You are your own person so build your own story!

Seasons pass and you must fully immerse yourself in the whole experience because next thing you’ll know – it has already passed. Life is beautiful and what better way to live it than with all your heart, soul, and mind. Every hue is different but look at it closely and see the beauty it unfolds. Never lose that. Colour away. 🙂

True Love

You may not have perfect attendance in my everyday encounters but you made sure that you were always there when I needed you. You were working 24/7 because you wanted me to have a wonderful future thinking that the money you have poured out in my education and possessions were enough to satisfy my dire need for attention. I excelled in school but not in my ability to immediately belong in society. I was different.

I was 10

You saw that I was growing up quick but you let me experience life. You saw how I rose to the top and how I fell to the ground. You were all ears and even tears, they rolled down on your eyes after hearing how I have suffered but you knew this was just another learning experience and the best you can do is to support me and hold my hand. You worked harder and harder as your eldest child learns to enjoy life.

I was 12

You have seen my imperfections but still loved and cared for me endlessly. I focus on impressing my friends that I have forgotten what makes you smile. I make mistakes but you continue to help me. I push you away but you bring yourself near every time to make me feel that you have not given up in loving me, for me. I tell you my achievements and you respond with a simple response but I hear from all my relatives how proud you are of me.

I was 15

You knew that I was not the best but continued to let me do what I want to do. Then came a time when I knew I was not enough for society and then, I wondered why you never pushed me hard to become best in what I do.. you answered me, “because you were good enough for me. You seemed happy in what you were doing so we did not want to put any pressure.” You were rooting for me not because I was good at what I was doing rather you wanted me to appreciate the simple joys I had. You continue to pay for my hobbies to sustain my happiness.

I was 18

You knew I was having a hard time and you still gave me your time despite your current sufferings. You knew you had much more to give up for this decision for our perceived success in a new environment. It was tough for me and I was selfish to think of my own challenges as the worst that could happen. You cried with me and finally, have become vulnerable of your own reasons for your tears. I am grateful for opening your heart to me. Now, I understand. I, too, am crying with you.

I have been aiming for so many things to prove my love for you. I became extremely busy trying to reach for the stars when I have forgotten to look around that while I was flying high, I have lost touch with you and even though you were looking up to me, I still felt alone. You reminded me that I did not need to do anything to make your proud because you already are. You tell me every time, “You are our pride. You are the reason that we continue to live and work. You never fail us. All we want you to become is healthy and happy. The achievements that you bring to this family? They are also important but to us, they are just additional assets that make us happy that not only are you happy but you are doing really well. We love you.”

I could not get it but everyday, you prove through your actions, that you care a lot. I have learned that this is what true love is. Love does not have to be extravagant. It can be the little things that you do like remembering birthdays, cooking for a meal, fixing the house, going home early to talk, and giving hugs. You cook our meals, drive me to work when I sleep late the night before, learn as much in order to catch up with my growing knowledge, book trips for us to see different places, and shower me hugs & kisses.

I am 22 and I am continuing to learn more about the definition of love but one thing is for sure, I love my parents, forever and always. ❤