All we need is love

Merry Christmas, dear wordpress-ers! ❤

It’s been a lovely year with everyone, from family to friends to practically just anyone and everyone. It’s not a day to just give and receive gifts because there’s more to it than that. This day is a reminder that we are all on the same boat with our own burdens to carry and despite that, we can still learn to love & care for one another.

The other day, someone told me that she was not religious at all but she appreciates the holiday vibe where people are a little bit kinder and more considerate. That’s the thing: why can’t we practice everyday? Wouldn’t the world be a little bit better if everyone carried a more caring heart?

Christmas is about you and me, us against the wrath of this world. Although we are different internally and externally, I am pretty sure that we will not be able to live without a throbbing heart that is always ready to love. The risk of not getting it in return can be frightening but what is worse is not having to try to share it.

Gifts are gifts but giving your time to listen and heart to understand, that is what we all need to create a more human world free of judgements, assumptions, and expectations. Let’s make this work out.

Love reciprocates naturally. It just does. Let’s stop hiding from what if’s and start feeling of what is. 🙂

 

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Tell me it’s real (Number 3)

How is everybody doing? I am almost finished my fall term in University! I can’t wait to get it over with. It has been crazy hectic in school and the requirements were heavier than I thought. I’m 75% in and there’s just a few more tweaks and refinements to make sure that our group presentation as well as papers that must be written will be polished! My student life aside, I am so excited to log in here and share my thoughts to you, lovely readers. This one can hurt but I have came to realize that it is necessary to thrive as an individual.

3. The road to your own happiness can be lonely

The path takes so much internalization and understanding of your own values: what matters the most and the things that distract you from what is yours. If you see Steve Jobs, he had to assert himself even though it meant letting his loved ones go. The conviction with what he felt was right and what was stopping him from getting where he is was very strong that it became unhealthy until he came to a point to take care of what he left behind. Not everyone will understand why you do what you do and as long as you know that you are doing the right thing, then what is stopping you?

It is easier said than done, I know. There are other factors to consider like family obligations and financial situation. When it comes to considering your loved ones:

“Always do what you want, and say what you feel,

because those who mind don’t matter,

and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss 

Sadly to say, there is nobody best to trust than yourself. You should know yourself better than anyone else. What I have always done before was to gather everyone’s opinion and base my decision from what they said. At the end of the day, it was not really me who technically choose my destiny because after being clouded by all their opinions, I created this image in my mind that was not even there in the very first place. The image can be bad, which will later cause my regrets for not pushing forward because it actually led to good results for some people; the image can be good, which later set my expectations too high to reach and therefore, led to disappointment. It’s all an illusion.

I am not saying that you will close your doors from the public rather I am emphasizing how important it is to listen to your own voice before anyone else’s. You must have a solid foundation of your values to not be swayed by temporary satisfaction or instant gratification like money, pleasure, leisure, or fame. You can adapt but don’t adopt because you’ll be lost. However, if the industry requires you to be physically fit (for example) then that will be a good habit to adopt since it will not only affect your overall performance in the job but also feel good as an individual. Some themes in social media can be seen as manipulating but a few, I consider, can be really important.

Anyway, I hope that we will all be brave enough to listen to our hearts while knowing our ground, values, and limitations to not expect too much and to live with hope for the possibilities of the future. There are people who genuinely care for you, let them think of you and give you support. Pushing people away is never an option. Let them know of your dreams and why you have to do what you’re doing. But really, one of the best advice I’ve heard was from my professor: be patient because there is no need to rush.

Take your time, friends! 🙂

 

 

Tell me it’s real (Number 2)

2.  Prioritize

Not everybody will agree with your dreams and therefore, will say things that will persuade you to divert from the path you are heading to. When you have already walked so far and feel empty, I tell you.. that is a sign. This time, you cannot blame anyone, not even yourself because you have already had enough struggles.

When setting a goal, you must understand the trade-offs and sacrifices you must do. Mark Manson highlights this concept really well. (his blog is amazing by the way! I’m halfway through reading the whole blog haha)

If you highly prioritize your family and friends then opening a new business is not really the best option as of the moment. I am saying this because in order to successfully gain back what you have spent on your new venture (let’s say, your Return on Investment), you must be able to commit lots and lots of time, energy, and resources to capitalize your brand. With technology, that also includes outside your working hours so technically, that entails a 24/7 monitoring for at least the first few years to sustain its success.

If you highly prioritize new challenges and continuous travels, then starting a family is not really the best option at this time. My wanderlust for trying out so many things by the time I graduate and even still in school is so much that I assured myself that marriage will be at the bottom of my list, for now. Relationships are important to me; however, the level of commitment I have is allotted to my career management and investments to become a better person. I am not saying that I am not satisfied with what I have rather I am still certain that there is more that I can do. I can be ambitious and I did not want to sacrifice that over the pressures of a gender role I am expected to fill just because I am a woman. I want to have a family, don’t get me wrong. I love kids, so much! I can imagine myself staying at home to cook for my loved ones and preparing my child’s first day of school kit. It can be nostalgic to foresee that future but I do not want to get there and regret things that I have always wanted to do but was unable to because I was too caught up with pleasing societal expectations.

I can name more circumstances but I think you get what I mean. Each individual has their own priorities and these are usually guided by their values so understand what it is that drives your mind kabazooommm! and chase after it. It is definitely easier said than done. Even at my age of 23, I am still not certain of what I really want to do with my life. I just know that it composes of adventure, coaching, interaction, challenge, and kabillion of new discoveries. I am craving for always learning something different everyday so I am not settling. My next point can be contradictory but it is a necessity in being at pace and not going overboard.

Additional thoughts on this is that prioritize does not mean letting go of the other part of your life. It just means that you will be attending to it lesser than 50% of your energy because really, at the end of the day, you will not notice these percentages because all you will feel is genuine happiness and satisfaction. Only you will know when enough is enough. We must therefore understand the difference between contentment and laziness.

You are the captain of your ship. Sail away!

Tell me it’s real (Number 1)

My image of the world 10 years ago was totally different from now. I have learned a lot and it is tough to be an adult. I have not reached the peak of my adulthood yet but everything that I am seeing, understanding and digesting in this world.. it’s just mind-boggling. You need to do sacrifices and you need to commit to your decisions. Things can get rough and people will sometimes not appreciate you but you have to intrinsically motivate yourself to keep moving forward.

This is reality. I don’t want to be the killjoy or the negative person who bursts everybody’s bubble of “pure happiness” especially those are in their early 20s, like me; however, I had to post these since I knew that once I realized them, I had to share and make my fellow dear human beings that they are not alone.

  1. There is no equality in opportunities so work hard-er.

We must admit that despite the ongoing demonstrations and initiatives to level out the playing field, there are several more issues to tackle like mental illness and introversion being perceived as lack of confidence or being anti-social. These stigmas put great pressure on behalf of the people who are suffering such instances. The pressure comes from the outside of the dominant population attaching negative connotation on them as well as internally, the individuals who are experiencing them must strengthen their inner ability to avoid self-prophecy to take place.

Take it from me. I dislike it when people see my meek personality as incompetent, innocent, and lack of confidence. I used to believe the judgements as true and the definition of why I act the way I do. Now, I am faced with this ongoing debate inside me who I truly am because every circumstance shows me a different side of me and nothing seems to be constant. The thing is though just because I hear so many comments about my kindness, gentleness, and “innocence” that it’s only those that I notice and not the times when I was able to speak in front of a group of people or actually enjoyed a party with good music and good company because I knew that I was never that kind of girl (the latter 2).

It frustrates me to juggle between the several identities. I am constantly faced with statements that may limit my ability to reach my dreams just because I let them to. It was part of my growing up, I was never the loud and decisive one. I was always the soft-spoken and considerate one. It’s not a bad thing but when you hear it all the time, it hurts to hear that I can never be the assertive and strong-willed one. 

Don’t worry about me though, I have done a lot to go outside my comfort zone. I have had countless mistakes and it breaks my heart into pieces every time I recall them but I told myself that it is all a process. Every little thing will be okay. I am a minority, I am a woman, I am meek, and I am sensitive but those qualities will not stop me from achieving my own standards of happiness and satisfaction. It will take much more effort than those who already possess the extra privilege to be seen and perceived as strong-willed, confident, and deserving. It was tough to swallow but it’s true. I don’t blame anyone because it’s nobody’s fault. Some people are just born with a beautiful image of the world as endless and boundless and therefore, believes the same philosophy counts for every single individual in the world.

It’s all on me now. Now that I understand my struggles, I am conscious of my actions.. I must know better.

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I decided to take one realization at a time since it takes time for me to fully comprehend what I am trying to say. In addition, it can be hard to digest. Is it just me or do I feel stronger every time I speak up about my weaknesses. It’s self-acceptance and each of us deserves that. Our environment can affect how we view the world but that should not limit our desire to look outside the box and discover much more wonderful things.

What If

What if we stopped being so tied up about what other people think of us and just do what we want to do?

Why can’t we allow ourselves to shine and not feel horrible about it?

There are times when I imagine a world where everybody does what they want while caring for one another as well but then, I figured that it is all just a fantasy. I have witnessed social media portray several initiatives done by individuals who want to change the world and in all honesty, I am always amazed and at awe of their courage. I was once that idealist. I still am but I am slowly seeing the bigger picture.

You cannot please everybody. There is not one thing that is universal anymore, in my opinion. Although words like “love” and “peace” may be seen across cultures but the way these are being expressed are seen in several degrees and angles. For the western culture, it may be that we learn to love ourselves for who we are and be at peace with what we most desire whether it be ambition, health, wealth, or career. For the eastern culture, it will most likely be love where we will put others before ourselves and peace amongst family members, most especially that of the parents’, are most significant. I am only speaking when it comes to my experience.

What about the environment? Where does the corporate world fit in? How about competition? How can we get the best products with the fastest processing time for the convenience of our customers while abiding by every environmental law? Who do you serve first: yourself or others? Do we follow the instructions given by the stewardess when it comes to putting on your oxygen mask or do we adhere to the principle of sacrifice?

The standards that I had when I was living in an eastern society definitely transformed to something else when I moved to a western society. I am still struggling to determine the difference. At first, I wanted to know which was right and which wasn’t but that does not work that way. In this day of age, nothing cannot be judges as immoral. I mean, please define ethical in the most acceptable way. Not one person will agree with one statement. Every person has a voice now and that makes my world a little bit more crazy every time I deal with decisions. Which is more like me? Which seems more morally correct? In my eyes, in my current society or in my parents’ perspective? 

It doesn’t get easier than that.

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What if this world learned about equality or equity in all levels and where everyone will be given the same right to live and enjoy his/her life?

Wouldn’t that be the best feeling?

How will the customers be happy if the employees are not happy? But we cannot please everybody, right? How will the employer’s profits be used to balance profit of staying on top while providing enough for the stakeholders? Where does work-life balance fit in? I know some of you will mention about Google or Apple. I will not argue because they are very known to be truly wonderful organizations that anyone will be blessed to be part of. But let’s look this at the bigger picture because it’s not like the whole world can work in only those two companies. How much time must be spent to working, spending time with your loved ones, learning and studying for one’s sake, and for staying healthy? Is it possible to not feel empty at all?

I want to believe that one day, we will all be able to reach to a point where everyone is in the middle-class, and nobody is too popular or too wealthy. Trust me, if you know me really well, that is all that I talk about. What if there was not more than one currency and what if we all lived in the same kind of house? Well, try watching “Equals” or “Hunger Games” or “Divergent” or any movie that shows how the world will work when we have this perceived order in the society.. and then, you might change your mind.

The whole world will be in total silence and no emotions can be seen.

Think of it. In our imperfect world, when one person is happy, somehow.. at one part of the world, someone is not happy. Then again, what is our definition of happiness. I would tell myself.. the only thing that can make this world a much better place is respect. Respect to what other people see as valuable — as long as it does not hurt anyone — and respect when it comes to other people’s way of expressing themselves — then again, as long as it does not hurt anyone. However, how about the implicit behaviours that may not be seen to be directly and overtly damaging someone else’s feelings but in that (hurt) person’s point of view have affected them in a negative way.

Where does equality stand in that occasion?

The world has become more complicated. I am not saying that changes are wrong. This is a conversation I will just want to initiate in regards to continuously expressing what we want and what we desire to see in a world that is full of complex people who are made up of countless experiences that may have shaped their (our) current perception of life and what it should be.

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I am boggled by the idea that there will be never-ending question (not answers) when it comes to all the “What If’s” in the way society works. Then again, we have our voices for a reason and I hope that we will use it to create positive conversations and build an understanding platform where every individual speak with the most sincere intention of making our world a better place to live in. ❤

Enjoy your weekend, loves!

the climb

I have never felt so empty in my life.

When people see how I’m living, I seem so happy and whole but really, how could I tell them that I was not living the life that I crave for every time I wake up in the morning.

I feel like it’s too late to go back but is it?

I have been climbing up the ladder, crawling up the stairs just to see the rays of the sun by the window. They said it will be there when you get there. But when is when?

The struggle to want what I have is too real to ignore. People say “count my blessings” and I am, it’s just that the majority of my life just looks good on the outside but I feel dead inside. Why?

I still put my best foot forward in everything that I do and that’s why it hurts because I’d have to give in my best shot even if my heart is shouting “No!”. It hurts to feel this way.

Should life be all about resisting your inner ego of going for the things that I truly want. It may not be for me but there is an urge to follow my instinct, the one that my heart yearns for. My desire to feel important and impactful. It does not have to be big, it can be something simple but truly meaningful.

Then, there’s this pulling down factor of being judged. I know, who cares! but really, I care. I shouldn’t but I do. I love making people feel happy and cared for but it is not always mutual. I am not seeking for something in return but at the same time, I figured that I have forgotten to take care of myself. What do I see myself in 10 years from now? What risks am I willing to take? Am I living the life that I want? Do I feel energized? What other experiences did I want to go for?

They say that one of the greatest regrets people get when they grow older is that they chose to live according to the standards of someone else or the society.

The climb has been steep and I keep falling down but hey, there’s no giving up.

True Love

You may not have perfect attendance in my everyday encounters but you made sure that you were always there when I needed you. You were working 24/7 because you wanted me to have a wonderful future thinking that the money you have poured out in my education and possessions were enough to satisfy my dire need for attention. I excelled in school but not in my ability to immediately belong in society. I was different.

I was 10

You saw that I was growing up quick but you let me experience life. You saw how I rose to the top and how I fell to the ground. You were all ears and even tears, they rolled down on your eyes after hearing how I have suffered but you knew this was just another learning experience and the best you can do is to support me and hold my hand. You worked harder and harder as your eldest child learns to enjoy life.

I was 12

You have seen my imperfections but still loved and cared for me endlessly. I focus on impressing my friends that I have forgotten what makes you smile. I make mistakes but you continue to help me. I push you away but you bring yourself near every time to make me feel that you have not given up in loving me, for me. I tell you my achievements and you respond with a simple response but I hear from all my relatives how proud you are of me.

I was 15

You knew that I was not the best but continued to let me do what I want to do. Then came a time when I knew I was not enough for society and then, I wondered why you never pushed me hard to become best in what I do.. you answered me, “because you were good enough for me. You seemed happy in what you were doing so we did not want to put any pressure.” You were rooting for me not because I was good at what I was doing rather you wanted me to appreciate the simple joys I had. You continue to pay for my hobbies to sustain my happiness.

I was 18

You knew I was having a hard time and you still gave me your time despite your current sufferings. You knew you had much more to give up for this decision for our perceived success in a new environment. It was tough for me and I was selfish to think of my own challenges as the worst that could happen. You cried with me and finally, have become vulnerable of your own reasons for your tears. I am grateful for opening your heart to me. Now, I understand. I, too, am crying with you.

I have been aiming for so many things to prove my love for you. I became extremely busy trying to reach for the stars when I have forgotten to look around that while I was flying high, I have lost touch with you and even though you were looking up to me, I still felt alone. You reminded me that I did not need to do anything to make your proud because you already are. You tell me every time, “You are our pride. You are the reason that we continue to live and work. You never fail us. All we want you to become is healthy and happy. The achievements that you bring to this family? They are also important but to us, they are just additional assets that make us happy that not only are you happy but you are doing really well. We love you.”

I could not get it but everyday, you prove through your actions, that you care a lot. I have learned that this is what true love is. Love does not have to be extravagant. It can be the little things that you do like remembering birthdays, cooking for a meal, fixing the house, going home early to talk, and giving hugs. You cook our meals, drive me to work when I sleep late the night before, learn as much in order to catch up with my growing knowledge, book trips for us to see different places, and shower me hugs & kisses.

I am 22 and I am continuing to learn more about the definition of love but one thing is for sure, I love my parents, forever and always. ❤