Tell me it’s real (Number 1)

My image of the world 10 years ago was totally different from now. I have learned a lot and it is tough to be an adult. I have not reached the peak of my adulthood yet but everything that I am seeing, understanding and digesting in this world.. it’s just mind-boggling. You need to do sacrifices and you need to commit to your decisions. Things can get rough and people will sometimes not appreciate you but you have to intrinsically motivate yourself to keep moving forward.

This is reality. I don’t want to be the killjoy or the negative person who bursts everybody’s bubble of “pure happiness” especially those are in their early 20s, like me; however, I had to post these since I knew that once I realized them, I had to share and make my fellow dear human beings that they are not alone.

  1. There is no equality in opportunities so work hard-er.

We must admit that despite the ongoing demonstrations and initiatives to level out the playing field, there are several more issues to tackle like mental illness and introversion being perceived as lack of confidence or being anti-social. These stigmas put great pressure on behalf of the people who are suffering such instances. The pressure comes from the outside of the dominant population attaching negative connotation on them as well as internally, the individuals who are experiencing them must strengthen their inner ability to avoid self-prophecy to take place.

Take it from me. I dislike it when people see my meek personality as incompetent, innocent, and lack of confidence. I used to believe the judgements as true and the definition of why I act the way I do. Now, I am faced with this ongoing debate inside me who I truly am because every circumstance shows me a different side of me and nothing seems to be constant. The thing is though just because I hear so many comments about my kindness, gentleness, and “innocence” that it’s only those that I notice and not the times when I was able to speak in front of a group of people or actually enjoyed a party with good music and good company because I knew that I was never that kind of girl (the latter 2).

It frustrates me to juggle between the several identities. I am constantly faced with statements that may limit my ability to reach my dreams just because I let them to. It was part of my growing up, I was never the loud and decisive one. I was always the soft-spoken and considerate one. It’s not a bad thing but when you hear it all the time, it hurts to hear that I can never be the assertive and strong-willed one. 

Don’t worry about me though, I have done a lot to go outside my comfort zone. I have had countless mistakes and it breaks my heart into pieces every time I recall them but I told myself that it is all a process. Every little thing will be okay. I am a minority, I am a woman, I am meek, and I am sensitive but those qualities will not stop me from achieving my own standards of happiness and satisfaction. It will take much more effort than those who already possess the extra privilege to be seen and perceived as strong-willed, confident, and deserving. It was tough to swallow but it’s true. I don’t blame anyone because it’s nobody’s fault. Some people are just born with a beautiful image of the world as endless and boundless and therefore, believes the same philosophy counts for every single individual in the world.

It’s all on me now. Now that I understand my struggles, I am conscious of my actions.. I must know better.

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I decided to take one realization at a time since it takes time for me to fully comprehend what I am trying to say. In addition, it can be hard to digest. Is it just me or do I feel stronger every time I speak up about my weaknesses. It’s self-acceptance and each of us deserves that. Our environment can affect how we view the world but that should not limit our desire to look outside the box and discover much more wonderful things.

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