We all want to be happy. Everything we do we perceive to lead to happiness. We study hard to be seen as someone smart, to be accepted and therefore to be happy. We work so hard to be recognized and then promoted to receive a better salary, which leads to a better lifestyle and attainment of our either materialistic and non-materialistic wants and needs where these results to happiness. We work things out with our past because we want to fix everything and make everything smooth sailing in order to feel a sense of relief and security, which are also known to be associated to being happy. In life, I realized that I have planted my goals with the notion that these will provide me an uplifting emotion that will last forever. I want to be this ideal being who gets this dream job and have a perfect family to become a big somebody in this world. However, these are not the cases at most (or all) times. In my observations, every time that I set a list of goals, I have created a world of my own illusions.
the illusion that this position will make me happy this illusion that this opportunity will make me happy this illusion that this experience will make me happy this illusion that this thing will make me happy
The end goal must not be to become happy. In my opinion and based on the experiences of falling down and rising back up, I have understood the logic behind my ability to reach my desired state: inner peace and consistency. I needed to understand a very important lesson: I must not aim for happiness but personal growth. Everything that we do, once it challenges our belief and at the same time, aligns with our values, will become another path paved for us in reaching our destination. I noticed that every time I was able to accomplish a specific goal that I thought will bring me happiness, the more likely that I became disappointed because of the great expectations that this certain experience will satisfy my needs. I learned to let loose and trust myself more than the external forces of pressure to become this ideal person. It was a scary thought at times to know that maybe who I thought I should be does not reflect who I truly am.
I am supposed to be loud I am supposed to be ready to exclaim my achievements and sell myself I am supposed to be more aggressive and be less afraid of hustling I am supposed to network well to use them to reach my desired career
I am none of those. Just for the sake of having no regrets, I tried them out at one point of my life but then, I really felt awful later on. These characteristics did not reflect my values nor did they make me feel proud of who I am. I did not want to talk about so much of my accomplishments just so that I will be noticed or have that “edge”. I cannot and will not use my relationships for the very reason that they are useful for me. My relationships are all about substance, I keep them because they share a part of who I am and I value their thoughts.
We are made to be different; therefore, with different paths to choose. There is never just one way to be able to become our best versions. It can be really difficult and frustrating but so far.. from what I understood, in order to reach that genuine sense of fulfillment and happiness, I must be able to aim for my personal growth and everything will fall into its right place at the right time. Patience is the key. Most importantly, no matter what happens, always look back to notice the patterns that mirror your strengths and capabilities as an individual. Use these and hone them for these are the things that shapes our identity and reflects our uniqueness. Why focus on the darkness of the night when there are so many stars? Look for the experiences that will enhance your understanding of the world and of yourself. Invest your time wisely. Listen to yourself more than you listen to the world around you, you know the best for you; however, be open to new things and ideas as these contribute to broadening your creativity and imagination. Lastly, at the end of the day, we are who we are and no matter how much we try to become the persons dictated by the society as “acceptable” and “notable”, our hearts will always remind us of our innermost identity.
Identity speaks of our values. Identity does not indicate our worst habits nor our greatest fears rather identity reminds us what keeps us alive and enthusiastic about life. It is the main driver of why we continue to live and strive for the better and for the best of ourselves.