I have always wondered what passion is supposed to feel like? When you want to pursue something, is it supposed to normally feel uncertain and awkward before you step into it? Or is it supposed to feel so exciting that the nervousness is just an added spice to balance the state of being so high up?
I always seek adventures and opportunities that will bring new perspective into my life. The desire to feel like the world wants me in it pushes me to actually run after them. But it’s hard, it hurts.. and that’s how it should feel.. for now. Why does love have to be so rude? Why does it attract you then leaves you hanging later on?
The biggest challenge is that this person that I’m competing is not anyone but myself. I just recently found out about this amazing Facebook page called berlin-artparasites and the posts here are so mind-blowing because you will realize how true it is but at the same time, how hidden it is in our society. This society has its own standards of excellence and we follow it.. forgetting the fact that we are our own standards of excellence. I have been carrying such weight of trying to understand what is right and what is wrong without considering what my heart aches for or what my values stand for.
It is all so intricate, life. Every detail of it and that’s how meticulous I am. Then again, something hit me. Why contemplate on things that do not need any contemplation? Why complicate things when it’s already simple? Why try to control things that are not meant to be controlled? Three reasons why:
As a human being, I want to adapt to belong.
I observe people to be able to adapt. I thought that being flexible is an excellent characteristic to possess but unfortunately, it is not for most of the time. It’s good to understand what’s happening around you and to be able to see what is moral in their own terms and what is considered a taboo; however, the more abstract things like our values must stay intact. This is where our beliefs are shaken and tested, our personalities questioned and possibly misunderstood by some people. Our experiences shape our current identities but at the same time, if we are too flexible then it will be difficult to actually acknowledge who we really are. (our true strengths and weaknesses, our personality and characteristics.. which is which)
Solution: Know yourself. Do self-assessments at least twice a year to be more clear on who you truly are and what you value the most.
As a human being, I want to understand to be understood.
There are times that I had to be certain of the outcome but then I realized that I cannot simply control everything. It was this notion that I always had the power to change and bring impact to my surrounding. I can, you can, and we all can; however, there are certain limitations that only we would know for ourselves. For example, I always try to analyze my surrounding and act upon what is expected. This can be good in a professional setting but when it generally comes to life, it can be a trick. It now becomes a challenge to ask you how much of my life truly represents who I am.
Solution: Understand yourself first then everything else will fall into place.. eventually. Be patient and open to new experiences. You will be misunderstood and that is normal, you cannot please everyone nor can you expect them to understand when you explain your circumstances to them. Love YOU!
Life is not rude, it never was and never will be. I was the one who was making it seem rude. Life is beautiful and just like us, without the imperfections, it will not blossom into something worth fighting for.